Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I finally decided..

That the name of the new character is Anisa Marie.. Thanks for all you voted on the poll.. Check back later for more polls and posts..

Love ya'll..

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Problem...

I have a new problem.. I feel like my characters (Josh and Elizabeth) are falling in love too quickly, but I don't know what to do to prevent this. Help?? Leave comments... Please and thank you!!

Problem...

I have a new problem.. I feel like my characters (Josh and Elizabeth) are falling in love too quickly, but I don't know what to do to prevent this. Help?? Leave comments... Please and thank you!!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Something that i am working on

Here's part of something that I am working on.. Comments anyone??

Please and Thank You!!

“He then proceeded to sexually abuse me. He would bring in his girlfriends and they would force me to have sex with them; then he’d force me to do it with him, which was disgusting.” Poor Josh! I couldn’t believe the type of things his father did to him.



“Every few days I would be lying in the Emergency Room at the local hospital waiting for cat scans and x-rays to come back. My father had insurance, so I never had to pay for treatment. The doctors, however, were suspicious of my new injuries that I came in with every few days, but I kept my mouth shut. I was afraid that if I told someone what was happening at home my father would hurt me more.


“As the months passed, my father became more violent. He hit me more, but he also started using things like baseball bats and knives. He would cut my wrists and he would squeeze them to make more blood flow from the wounds; the cuts would bleed for hours after my father was finished with me. His girlfriends and he kept up with the sexual abuse too.


“After my father would leave for his eighteen hour days at the factory, I would go to another Emergency Room across town from the one I went to in the beginning, and there the doctors would give me transfusions. After a few days of me coming in with cut wrists and almost half my blood gone from my body, the doctors concluded that I was doing this to myself for attention and they admitted me to the psychiatric ward for a total of ten days.


“I didn’t mind being in the hospital as much as I thought I would. I got good meals and someone was always there to keep me company. I was also away from my father and his abuse; I didn’t even bother to call him to tell him where I was. I was finally safe, for a while anyway.


“Ten days came and went. I was released from the hospital and very reluctant to go home, but I didn’t have a choice. I knew that my father was going to be so pissed at me and that he was going to hurt me like he never hurt me before. I was right.” He stopped as he gagged again; I hurried to the trash can and shoved it under his mouth just as he vomited up his breakfast. He was very upset, that much was clear.


“Josh, you can stop now. I get it. He hurt you.” I wiped his face with a wash cloth. The cool water seem to have a calming effect on him. “I understand, Josh,” but he continued on with his story as if he didn’t hear me; he was in that house with his father again. He was reliving his tragic past.


“The minute I walked through the door my father started chasing me with a knife. I knew that he was going to kill me. I kept outsmarting him for a while but I made one wrong move and my father cornered me. He began to stab me repeatedly in my chest and my legs.” Josh came back to the present suddenly; he lifted up his shirt to show me the scars on his chest left by his father’s hatred. “Then when my father thought that I was done for, he left while I was on the floor gasping for breath as I vomited up blood. When he walked out of the front door, the police were waiting for him. They took him to custody and he was eventually booked on charges of child abuse, physically, emotionally, and sexually, because I was a minor and attempted murder. He was found guilty for all charges as were all of his various girlfriends who had sexually abused me.


“The paramedics came in and took me to the hospital where I remained in the intensive care unit for four weeks, or a month; however you want to look at it. Regardless, I recovered in the hospital for a total of two months, my stay in the intensive care plus my stay in the regular part of the hospital. I was released in the month of May to my grandmother, my father’s mother who I had never known growing up, who lived in Los Angeles.”


Josh turned to look at me then. His big, baby blue eyes were filled with tears again as he laid his head against my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly to me because there were no words that I could say to make him feel better because I had been there; nothing can make a person who lived with an abusive parent feel better.


“Josh,” I whispered. “I know how you feel.”


“You can’t possibly know how I feel, Elizabeth.”


“I do, Josh. My mother abused me, too.”


“Elizabeth! Is that your way of joking about this?” he asked.


“No, Josh.” I lifted up my shirt to show Josh the scars on my own stomach made there by my mother some years ago.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Finally, another blog (again)!!

here's the beginning.. half revised..
Preface











Every great story has a beginning and this is mine. I really guess I can say that this is the beginning of the end, the end of everything.


I never really thought that any of this was possible, or if I did, somewhere in my subconscious, I never thought that it could happen to a village girl like me. Now that I was faced with death, and the death of the only guy I ever truly loved, I realized that it was inevitable; not only that but that my freakish nightmares of the past few months were warning me that this would be our fate. I would die beside the guy that I loved and that our deaths would be slow and painful.


My life had changed forever because of him. Before him, I just felt like I was going to cave in on myself. I felt like I was going to lose myself forever and that my world was going to come crashing around me without anything to stop it. The feeling of helplessness was so unbearable and I could not find any way out; there was one way, which was unthinkable, but I considered it. I knew how bad it would hurt my family and the few friends I had but at the time I thought it was the only way out. It was like this for a long time until he came into my life and changed it forever.


I turned to look at him then. He smiled that smile that I loved so much, and even in the face of death, it lit up his whole face and reached all the way up to his eyes.


“I love you,” he whispered. “I will love you forever.”


“I love you, too,” I replied. “Forever.”


Then he took my hand and we turned to face out fate together knowing that this would see each other in this life. Our lives, which had blended so well together, on earth, were over.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

stuck in my head!!

SONNET 130
by William Shakespeare


My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;

Coral is far more red than her lips' red;

If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;

If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.

I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,

But no such roses see I in her cheeks;

And in some perfumes is there more delight

Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.

I love to hear her speak, yet well I know

That music hath a far more pleasing sound;

I grant I never saw a goddess go;

My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:

And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare

As any she belied with false compare.


source: http://www.shakespeare-online.com/sonnets/130.html

Finally, another blog!!

Another excerpt.. Enjoy!!

“So how bad is he?” Chloe asked me. Chloe had been there when Josh got hurt. In fact if it weren’t for her talking to Josh and keeping him awake until we reached the hospital, Josh would probably be in a lot worse condition than he was now.



“Well, you know that when he fell he took most of the impact on his back and when he moved himself into my lap, he messed his back up worse. There is a good chance that Josh will never walk again.” I had to stop to try to swallow back the bile that was coming up from my stomach. “He also broke both of his arms and legs, but they should heal. He has some broken ribs and his pelvis is broken. He had to be catheterized so he can use the restroom.” I stopped again, but this time I was fighting the urge to cry and I didn’t want to cry anymore. “His condition is not improving. He sleeps most of the day and when he is not sleeping, he moans in pain. He is in a lot of pain, so he is heavily medicated.”


“Is he awake right now?” she asked me with her eyes full of concern.


“When I left his room to come meet you, he wasn’t. He may have woken up since then though.”


“Is there anything else that I should know before I go in?”


“Yes, there is. His hair had to be completely shaved off of his face and head so the doctors could treat the wounds that Josh had there. It might be a little shocking at first, but he is still Josh, in body and in his mind. He’s just not all there now, but the doctors said that he would probably recover from that.” In my head I silently added, so they hope. But hope can only bring someone so far and I am past the point of hoping for Josh to get better. Josh needs a miracle to get better now.


“Ok, well I guess I’ll go in now. I hope that I can handle it,” Chloe said as she turned the knob to open the door that led to Josh’s room.






I didn’t dare follow Chloe into Josh’s room, for fear of what her face would look like when she actually saw with her own eyes how bad Josh’s condition was. That’s when I heard Josh’s scream.


“Josh, what’s wrong!” I screamed as I ran into his room. “Are you ok? Josh, answer me!”


“He’s here! He’s here!” Josh was shouting as I ran back into the room.


“Who’s here, Josh?!” Chloe was standing over him with his grandmother on the other side of him.


“Tell me who’s here, Josh,” his grandmother said pointedly. “Tell me.”


His face went pale, his eyes rolled back in his head, and he began to shake ever so slightly.


“Josh!” Chloe screamed, tears running down her face. “I can’t stay here; I have to go,” and Chloe was gone.


“He’s here in this room!” Josh was still screaming as he came to again.


“Josh, look at me,” I said. I felt very protective of him in that instant. Something was very wrong with Josh; it was like someone had taken over his whole body. Every inch of his body was shaking uncontrollably now and tears were flowing down his cheeks. “Josh, who is in this room?” I could feel the fear in his thoughts.


I used my newfound abilities to search every nook and cranny of Josh’s room to find the source of his distress, but everything was quite within the room besides Josh’s constant screams. I decided then to use my abilities to check within Josh conscious to try to find the possible cause of his stress when a nurse with long, curly blond hair appeared in the doorway carrying a syringe full of medication.


She glided over to Josh’s bed and took his arm, the one with the tubes, and stuck the syringe into the tube, ejected the medication and walked away without saying a word. Josh’s body and screams began to work almost immediately as the medication made its way through Josh’s body.


“Elizabeth, I’m scared,” he whispered.


“I know, Josh. I am, too.” I reached down to wipe his tears away. He smiled up at me as his eyelids began to droop closed.


“I love you, Elizabeth.”


“I love you, too.” I pulled the covers over Josh. “Just rest now, Josh. Everything is ok now,” I said a little too late because Josh was already asleep with his hands across his chest.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

No time to post this weekend.. Had my little cousin with me all weekend.. Enjoy this random picture!!



source:
http://rocktheseesaw.com/?m=200903

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Excerpt..

Here is an excerpt.. Enjoy!!

Josh fell. He fell over a hundred feet to the ground and landed with a thud. Even the pad that they had set up for such an event did not ease the impact of his fall.


Everything started happening at once after that. People started screaming, crying at the site of Josh’s mangled body, but mostly they were running to where Josh laid. He was sprawled out on the ground, arms raised up over his head. His eyes were closed, his lips parted slightly, like he was trying to hold back a scream.

I slowly sat down beside Josh and I took his limp hand in mine. I squeezed it and he began to open his eyes. A gasp swept through the already forming crowd around us.

Josh started to look around the group that had started to form around us, however his gaze stopped on me. He held it there for what seemed like forever, but it was only a couple of seconds. Then he started trying to sit up, which sent another gasp through the crowd.

“Josh don’t move!” someone behind me shouted.

“Don’t move! You’ll hurt yourself more!” another person shouted.

“Josh! Lay still! If you hurt your back, you will hurt it worse by moving around so much. Just lay still, honey. Help is coming!” Josh’s grandmother was telling him on his other side. He did as he was told.

Big, fat tears began streaming down his pretty boy face; he was in pain. He wanted to be comforted by me. He wanted me to tell him that everything was going to be ok, but I couldn’t. I began to wipe the tears away from his big, baby blue eyes.

“Shh, it’s ok Josh. I’m here. I’m here.” He looked up at me and smiled. I smiled back and I felt my motherly instincts kick in.

“Josh,” I whispered, “Don’t go to sleep. Do you hear me? You have to stay awake. Do not go to sleep. You have to stay awake.” I began to stroke the side of his neck. “Stay with me Josh! Don’t let go!”

I needed someone to talk to Josh, to keep him from going to sleep. I knew my voice was going to end up giving me away if I kept talking to Josh. I needed someone else to do it. That’s when I noticed one of his co-stars standing close to us. I looked straight at her and she understood at once what I needed her to do.

“Josh, talk to me. Can you talk to me?” Chloe began to talk to Josh, who was crying in pain and sitting against me. “Look at me, Josh. Can you tell me your name? What is your name? Can you tell me your name?” I had to give Chloe her props; she kept talking even though she wasn’t getting any response from Josh. He was just staring at her, with tears running down his pretty boy face, like he didn’t even know who she was.

“Josh, please stay with me. Keep your eyes open; do not close your eyes,” I said quietly, still stroking his neck. “Please don’t leave me, Josh.” Tears were welling up in my eyes. Josh was starting to shake; he was going into shock.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Sorry

No time to post in the past few days, been super busy!! (Not even picture to give ya'll..)
I'll post something soon though, I promise!!

Night all!!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Chapter 2 (for my wonderfully helpful cousin, Lindsey!!)

Here's chapter 2.. I know I am not going in oder, so just go with the flow!!

Chapter 2







I never knew that one guy would be able to change my life so much in just one ten-minute conversation, but he did and my life was never the same again.


The day started out normal enough. I had arrived in New York early that week.


I walked into a local café to get myself a bite to eat and that’s when I saw him. He was sitting on a bar stool, eating a hamburger of all things. I knew who he was right away.


“May I help you?” the hostess asked me.


“Table for one,” I told her, only paying half attention to what was going on around me. All that mattered to me was the handsome guy eating the hamburger.


I was so dazed that I didn’t notice the wet floor sign, which I tripped over, which was not a surprise because I hadn’t been paying attention to where I was walking, and fell flat on my face. Everyone around me started laughing at me, including the hostess. Well, I might as well just lay here since I can’t feel my legs, I thought to myself, but that didn’t make any sense because there was no pain. I started struggling to get up, which made my audience laugh even harder.


“Here, let me help you,” he said, giving me his hand and pulling me up.


“Thanks for the help. You cannot imagine how stupid I feel right now.” My face was starting to blush; I could feel it. “Well thanks for the help,” I said as I turned to walk away.


“Why don’t you join me for lunch? I could use the company,” he said with a smile that reached all the way up to his eyes and lit up his whole face. “Please? I won’t hurt you.”


“Well, ok. I guess it won’t hurt,” I said with a fake smile planted on my face, a smile that I hope he bought. He took my hand and led me to the place where he had been when I entered the café.


“So, what’s your name?” he asked me curiously, picking at his burger.


“Elizabeth.”


“That’s a pretty name for a pretty girl,” he said with the same grin that he had when he asked me to have lunch with him.


“Was that supposed to be a pick up line? If so, it was lame and you should think about getting another one,” I said, jokingly. I could feel myself starting to loosen up with him, and we had only been talking for a few minutes.


“Yea, that was kind of lame wasn’t it?” He still had that smile on his face. “Are you going to ask me my name?”


“There is no need for me to do that. I know exactly who you are.”


“Oh, do you?”


“Yes, I do.”


“So, what is my name?”


“I would tell you, but I am thinking that you trying to hide yourself, or you wouldn’t be wearing that outfit.”


“Your very smart, Elizabeth.”


“Well, thank you.”


“You are welcome.”


“The truth is that the paparazzi and my fans follow me everywhere, so when I go out without my body guard, I wear a disguise so I won’t be hassled.”


“You’re very smart, too. I would have never thought of that idea if I was you.” I returned his smile. “In fact, I would probably just hold up in my house and never leave.”


“Which is exactly why I go out incognito. I would never want to have a life where I couldn’t leave my house. I would rather be chased for miles than never leave my house.”


“I really don’t blame you. That would be a very tragic life to live that way.”


“Yes, it would be.” The smile that he had plastered on his face began to diminish in the silence. The silence lasted for a long time, neither of us wanting to break it. I was waiting for him to break it and he was waiting for me to break it. Eventually the silence got the best of him, and he broke it.


“So what brings you to New York, Elizabeth?”


“Just traveling, seeing the sights. You know just getting some alone time away from the family?”


“Why?”


“Why what?”


“Why did you leave your family behind? Were they that bad?”


“Why does it matter to you?” I really didn’t feel comfortable with telling this guy all my secrets, even if I was starting to loosen up with him, when I had only known him for a few minutes. I was always a slight bit shy and I never did like to meet new people.


“I was just wondering. There is no reason to get testy, Elizabeth.” The door to the café opened then, and a hundred or so screaming girls ran in.


“Oh my gosh, it’s really him. It’s Josh!” one screamed.


“Great! I thought they would never find me, but I was wrong,” Josh was already up and heading towards the door. “Nice to meet you, Elizabeth.” Josh ran out of the door and was gone.


“That poor boy. He never gets a break from the limelight,” the waitress behind the counter said. “Do you need anything, hun?”


“Yea. I would like a milkshake, a strawberry one, please. Also, can you bring me Josh’s check if he didn’t pay?”


“Sure thing, hun.” She smiled at me and walked away. She retrieved both my milkshake and Josh’s check.


“Don’t get your hopes up about dating that boy. Almost every girl is in love with him and the chances of him actually falling for you are slim to none.” The waitress had a sympathetic look in her eyes. “Just don’t waste your time.” She walked away again.


I never planned on dating Josh. I was just had lunch with the guy; that was all there was. I knew that he would never fall for me if I did ever see him again, and the chances of me actually seeing him again were zero to none.


But if was being honest with myself, something that I have always had problems with, I would have to admit that I did want to see him again. He seemed like a nice enough guy that I could just be friends with, that much was certain. I would also have to admit to myself that I was attracted to him, both physically and emotionally.


I was beginning to have a war with myself. There was a part of me that kept saying that Josh was going to be mine. We were going to be together forever and nothing was going to change that. The other side of my brain, the more logical side, was telling me that I was never going to see Josh again and that I might as well forget it.


When it came down to it, I felt a deep connection to this guy who I hardly knew. I knew who he was and what he did for a living; I knew that some of his roles involved him kissing other girls, but that didn’t really bother me. What bothered me was that I had only known this guy for a short time and that I was having such strong feelings for him in that short amount of time.


Josh could never feel the same way about me though. He was Joshua Abrams, box office sensation, but I still had feelings for him, feelings that would never be returned to me by Josh. I had feelings for him and that was all that mattered to me.


Josh was wonderfully sweet and polite, not to mention very handsome, and ever the gentleman. He was the perfect guy, and I, Elizabeth Marie Henderson, was totally and completely smitten.


I knew that he would never feel the same way about me that I felt about him. I was too plain and average looking for him to fall with me. I was the girl next door and he was the popular movie star. How could he ever fall for me? We were from two different worlds.


Maybe in some crazy, mixed up world Josh could fall for someone like me, but that was just wishful thinking. He was an actor and people never look at people like me twice. I had no special talents to speak of and no super model looks. He could do much better than me, but I still couldn’t help how I felt about him.


I was in love.






(END)

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I HAVE A QUESTION!

How should Josh and Elizabeth meet??
I hate how I have it in my book, so I am thinking about trashing it and starting over..

Anyone have any thoughts??

Please and thank you!!

My Day.. (in short form)

Got hardly no sleep last night..
Woke up this morning feeling worse then I did last night..
Decided to miss classes and stay home..
Woke up again around 12:30 and still felt bad..
Talked to my mom, who suggested that I should go to the after hours clinic to make sure I didn't have the flu..
Went to the clinic at 5:30..
Took an hour for me to fill out paperwork and to see the doctor..
The doctor told me I didn't have the flu..
Got a shot and got my meds..

That was pretty much my day..
I am feeling a little better now, thanks to the shot and meds..

My favorite chapter (contains spoliers!)

This is my favorite chapter that I have written for my novel.. Hope ya'll enjoy it!!

Chapter 6

August 21st
Dear Diary,
Josh has been troubled since we have reached our most recent destination, Denver. I cannot tell you how I know that he is troubled, but he is giving off really bad vibes from his subconscious, like there is a memory that he is trying not to remember. I can feel the pain and tension that is radiating off of him from a few miles away. I still don’t know how I can do that now when I couldn’t before we reached Tampa.
The bite mark that appeared on my arm about two weeks ago has started to heal. I have no idea how I got it, but I do remember having a nightmare that night, a nightmare that prevented me from sleeping well for at least a week afterwards.
I am afraid that if I write my nightmare down, I will have the nightmare again; however if I do not write it down, it will haunt me forever. Josh’s screams will haunt me forever anyways, so I might as well take the chance.
It all started the first night that Josh and I arrived in Tampa, Florida. We rented a room together, because the hotel only had one left, and I turned in early so we could go sightseeing the next day. The next thing I knew, I woke up screaming, but a pillow muffled my screams. Josh groaned in his sleep next to me and rolled over, but never woke up. I went out to the balcony to try to sort everything out.
The dream, which turned into a nightmare, started out innocently enough. Josh and I were walking down the beach hand in hand, laughing and cutting up. We were having a great time, just being together, when my dream changed.
We were running through a forest now, being chased by a black hooded killer. He had no face, but his fingers were long and slender, like the hand of a creature of the dark. I remember a word being whispered through the trees, like the lyrics of a haunting song. “Vampire,” the trees sang. “Vampire, vampire, vampire.”
“Josh, do you hear that?” I asked him as he pulled me through the trees.
Suddenly he stopped. He looked at me with bright red eyes and in a hunter’s crouch growled at me, fangs showing.
“Josh!?” I tried to scream, but it got caught back in my throat. I couldn’t move, my legs would not respond, and I couldn’t scream. I was going to die, and I knew that Josh was going to be the one to kill me.
All of a sudden, the black hooded killer jumped out of nowhere and tackled Josh to the ground.
“He is not Josh!” the killer shouted at me. “Get out of here, Elizabeth, now!” The killer was fighting with Josh on the ground when his hood fell of.
“He’s right,” the first Josh said, pushing the other one off of him and leaping up in a graceful motion that made him look almost animal like. The Josh impersonator began to take on his true form, the form of the killer.
My Josh laid on the ground, blood beginning to pool around him, and he started to disappear.
“Josh! No, Josh!” I ran to the place where I had last seen Josh body, throwing myself onto the ground. “Josh!” I cried.
“Your love is gone, and now it is your turn,” the killer’s voice sent shivers down my spine and made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up on end.
“Leave Josh alone,” I shouted, but my dream was already beginning to change.
I was in a dark hallway now, with very little light.
“Elizabeth, help me! Elizabeth! Please help me! He’s hurting me, Elizabeth.” I knew that the voice that was calling out to me for help was Josh’s voice, and that if I didn’t get to him soon, it might be too late.
“Josh! Where are you?” I started to run down the hallway towards the only door that was in the hallway. “I’m coming, Josh. I’m coming.”
I felt something bite into my leg, and I fell head long to the floor. The blood was being drained out of my body, by nothing that I could see but feel. The fangs kept biting at every inch of my skin. “Vampires” I popped into my head. Vampires were killing me. I could barely feel their fangs now; I was numb all over my body.
I felt myself slip into a peaceful place, a place that I knew was death. I was dead.
I woke up with a strange bite mark on my arm, the shape of a human mouth. I must have bit myself while I was dreaming. That is the only explanation that I can come up with now.
I have to because Josh is coming back with our food. I’ll write again.

Love,
Elizabeth

I closed my diary just as Josh was walking up to where we chose to sit by the pool.
“What are you writing, honey?” Josh asked me with a curious look in his eyes.
“Nothing,” I said. I could feel the resentment coming off Josh from all angles; he wasn’t happy that I was keeping secrets from him, but it was for his own good. I didn’t want him to worry because I was worrying enough for the both of us.
“You can tell me anything, Elizabeth. You know that don’t you?” His thoughts had a sad quality to them now. Why was that? Did he think that I didn’t trust him or did he think that I was doing something behind his back? Whatever the case, the feelings that I was feeling from Josh made me worry even more. Wasn’t he happy with me?
“Yes, I do know that I can tell you anything, Josh.”
“But you are not going to tell me what you were writing?” he asked, his thoughts becoming more and more grim. I wish I could read his thoughts, but I knew that I couldn’t. All that I could do was feel what Josh was feeling while he feeling it, and once his feelings changed, I would feel those.
I wished I could get to a computer so I could research what was going on with me on the Internet. I needed to know why all of a sudden I could feel the emotions of the people around me, especially of those people who I loved.
“I wish you would tell me your secret, Elizabeth.”
“I will, but only if you tell me one first,” I said, trying to ease the sadness that I felt in his thoughts.
“I have a secret that no one but my grandmother knows and if the press ever found out about it, they would go crazy. I have been keeping it to myself for so long, since I was a young child, but now I am ready to share it with you,” he paused to look at me again. “I trust you completely, Elizabeth.”
“You don’t have to tell me,” I stated matter-of-factly. “I don’t want to make things uncomfortable between us.”
“I want to tell you.”
“Josh.. are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Ok, then tell me.”
“Did you ever hear the story about my near death experience when I was little?”
“Yes, you fell out of a tree and were in the hospital for a long time. Am I right?”
“That is the story that my agent put out to the press so my fans wouldn’t know the truth. We, my agent and I, were afraid that if my fans knew the truth that I would never be successful in my acting career.”
“So, that’s not the real story, Josh?”
“No. The real story is about where I came from and it happened in Denver. That’s why I was so against us coming here. It brought back all the painful memories of my childhood that I have tried to suppress.”
“It’s a heart wrenching tale about my past,” Josh said. “Before I begin, I want you to know that if you ever feel uncomfortable while I am telling you my story, just tell me and I will stop.”
“Ok. But how bad can it be?” I asked him.
“Oh, it’s bad. You will see, Elizabeth.”
“Ok, so begin your story.”
“My story begins with my mother and I when I was a baby. Times where tough when I was born.
“ I never have had much of anything; in fact, I grew up in poverty. My mother and father were not married when I was born, leaving my mother to raise me on a income that she could barely support herself on, much less her and I both; even though times were tough for my mother and me, she always made sure that I was taken care of before concerning herself with her own needs.
“My mother raised me right in spite of our hardships. She taught me to be polite and to be thankful for what we did have. My mother was a firm believer in being a well-rounded person, and she began to instill this into me before I could barely talk.”

“When I was little, I never realized how hard things were for my mother; I just knew that I never had the cool, new toys that all my friends had, and I never understood why. I was a very jealous child and had bad anger issues. I got in fights all the time as a child when anyone would say something bad about the way we lived or about my mother and the way she raised me; eventually I figured out that my mother was doing the best that she could, and she rose over all the odds and raised me the best way she could. I never really thanked her for that.
“Then when I turned ten years old, my mother was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and she had to undergo chemotherapy and radioactive therapy, which at the time we believed worked. The cancer went into to remission.
“I remember being so afraid to lose my mother; she was the only family that I had. My father had never been around much, and when he was around I would never want to go see him because I was afraid of him. I was afraid that if he got mad at me, he would hurt me, just like he hurt my mother.
“Then, just after my fifteenth birthday, my mother’s cancer came back with a vengeance. The doctors only gave my mother a few weeks to live, which turned into a few months, which turned into a year of life for my dying mother.
“Then one day after I came home from school, I found my mother on the floor, gasping for breath. I knew, right then and there, that my mother was dying. There was not going to be any more remissions or chemo treatments; my mother was going to leave me forever.
“I was not going to have anywhere to go, but to my father. I did not want to go live with him. He was a jerk, never paid child support to my mother, and he was just not around. I didn’t even know where he was.”
“I called 911 for my mother and told them the information that they needed to get to her and then I ran out of the house. I ran down the street and climbed up the tree in front of Miss Taylor’s house. I sat up in that tree and watched the paramedics come into my house and take my mother away in a body bag.
Josh paused to sigh before going on. “I didn’t have a lot of family and as I said before, I didn’t know where my father was, so there wasn’t much I could do as a fifteen year old boy with no money. I decided to try to live on my own but it wasn’t easy. I couldn’t get a place to live or a job because I was only fifteen.
“I went to public school so I wouldn’t have to pay tuition but there was still the matter of food, and stuff that I needed to live. This lasted for about a week before the government came and took me into foster care. They wanted me to live in foster care at the age of fifteen!
“After a bunch of digging, I found out where my father lived. I left my foster family to go live with my father. I was so happy to be living with an actual relative of mine instead of a bunch of strangers that I didn’t know and didn’t care to know because me living with my foster family was never going to be permanent because I didn’t want it to be. I thought that after I found my father that I was going to begin to feel like myself again and that I was going to begin to be happy again, but I was wrong.
“My father was not as happy as I was to be living together but that didn’t really bother me. I had my own room, my own life. I could come and go as I pleased with no interference from my father, which worked for me. I finally felt enough like myself to start hanging out with my friends and I even started to date again. Everything started to fall into place again, slowly but surely. I was content again…” He paused again. “Now, Elizabeth, the story gets pretty bad here so if you want, I can stop here or I can keep going, whatever you want me to do.”
I looked up at his face again, which was probably a mistake. His face wash totally washed out of color and his eyes were rimmed with red from crying. I was totally engrossed in his story but I could tell from his expression that it was very painful for him to relive these memories. The last thing I wanted to do was to cause Josh pain. He meant everything to me now, even if he didn’t know it, and I couldn’t stand to see him this way.
“I can see the indecision in your face,” he chuckled. “I know you want to know what happened to me that could be so bad, so I’ll tell you. Just don’t panic if I start to get upset. As I said before, my life got very bad after my mother died.
“I was living with my father and I was very content with my life. Everything was going fine; my grades were up higher than they had been since my mother’s death, I had a job, and I was myself again. That was until..” he gulped “..things began to change. My father started taking things out on me. He made me work twice as hard at home, cooking and cleaning. I did everything without any complaints; I even took his verbal abuse, because I was afraid of what he might do to me to me if I didn’t.
“Eventually my father would get mad at me even when I did what he wanted to do. He started to physically abuse me. He hit me, slap me, push me down the stairs; he would do anything to hurt me. After a while, I would have so many bruises on my body that I stopped going to work and school because I was embarrassed. My grades slipped, I lost my job, and the abuse, both physical and verbal, continued.
“Every few days I would be lying in the Emergency Room at the local hospital waiting for cat scans and x-rays to come back. My father had insurance, so I never had to pay for treatment. The doctors, however, were suspicious of my new injuries that I came in with every few days, but I kept my mouth shut. I was afraid that if I told someone what was happening at home my father would hurt me more.
“As the months passed, my father became more violent. He hit me more, but he also started using things like baseball bats and knives. He would cut my wrists and he would squeeze them to make more blood flow from the wounds; the cuts would bleed for hours after my father was finished with me.
“After my father would leave for his eighteen hour days at the factory, I would go to another Emergency Room across town from the one I went to in the beginning, and there the doctors would give me transfusions. After a few days of me coming in with cut wrists and almost half my blood gone from my body, the doctors concluded that I was doing this to myself for attention and they admitted me to the psychiatric ward for a total of ten days.
“I didn’t mind being in the hospital as much as I thought I would. I got good meals and someone was always there to keep me company. I was also away from my father and his abuse; I didn’t even bother to call him to tell him where I was. I was finally safe, for a while anyway.
“Ten days came and went. I was released from the hospital and very reluctant to go home, but I didn’t have a choice. I knew that my father was going to be so pissed at me and that he was going to hurt me like he never hurt me before. I was right.
“The minute I walked through the door my father started chasing me with a knife. I knew that he was going to kill me. I kept outsmarting him for a while but I made one wrong move and my father cornered me. He began to stab me repeatedly in my chest and my legs.” Josh lifted up his shirt to show me the scars on his chest left by his father’s hatred of Josh. “Then when my father thought that I was done for, he left; when he walked out of the front door, the police were waiting for him. They took him to custody and he was eventually booked on charges of child abuse, because I was a minor, and attempted murder. He was found guilty for both charges.
“The paramedics came in and took me to the hospital where I remained in the intensive care unit for four weeks, or a month, however you want to look at it. Regardless, I recovered in the hospital for a total of two months, my stay in the intensive care plus my stay in the regular part of the hospital. I was released in the month of May to my grandmother, my father’s mother who I had never known growing up, who lived in Los Angeles.”
Josh turned to look at me then. His big, baby blue eyes were filled with tears again as he laid his head against my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly to me because there were no words that I could say to make him feel better.


(End)

Tuesday, September 15, 2009



Again no time to blog today. Cleaned my room and went on a date with my boyfriend.





Going to bed in the next few minutes, so I can get up at the butt crack of dawn to go to school.





Night all!!









Source:
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ONnmmM7KyZE/SK4XkDi3byI/AAAAAAAAB2Y/2RYZUYf0BQo/s400/1202036008_1201985363_volcano-sunset-guatemala.jpg

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Lost Chapter (contains spoliers!!)

I happend across this chapter the other day while looking through some old notebooks. I figured i would share it with ya'll!

Enjoy!

(author's note: listen to Robert Pattinson's "I was Broken" and/or "Let Me Sign" while reading, to add some deepness to the words. @http://www.robert-pattinson.co.uk/music/)

“It’s been three months since his accident. His condition has not changed at all, meaning he is not any worse, but he is not any better. We are concerned that there is nothing left for us to do.”
“You are suggesting that we pull the plug on my grandson! You want him to die!” Josh’s grandmother was beyond a normal state now. She had collapsed to the floor and was sobbing uncontrollably. “He is all I have left! You cannot let him die!”
“He may not die off life support. He may make it. It depends on how strong his body is. He may be able to support himself. We just don’t know.” The doctor helped Josh’s grandmother off the floor and helped her over to a chair. His eyes were very grim, even through his hopeful demeanor. “I will let you think about it and then come back for your decision. But think about this, you are not doing Josh any good by leaving him on life support. The longer he stays on it, the less of a chance he has of surviving off of it. It is, like I said before, your choice,” he smiled at her. “I’ll be back.”
The doctor turned to walk out of the room, leaving us alone with Josh. I turned to look at him, but stopped myself. It hurt me to look at him so pale and still in the bed. He had been so full of life, so vibrant. Now, he was so lifeless; there was just his body, with no spirit. To me, Josh was already dead.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Haha!! This is too funny!!

I am a Robert Pattinson fan, but this is soo funny!!

Advice

Just so ya'll know, you have to be logged in to a Google account in order to leave comments on a blog..



You can be logged in under your Gmail account.. (or under any other Google account)

So now that ya'll know, comments would be great..

Thanks!

Chapter 1

Everyone, here is the first rough draft chapter of my novel.. there may be some spelling mistakes and a few grammer mistakes, so just bear with me..

Enjoy!!


It all started with an idea; an idea to find myself. I was on the road, just me and myself. The wide-open road was the only thing I knew and I had no limits. I was free and alone, and I was content.
I never really fit in anywhere. I was a loner, even in my own home. My mother and I always fought, and my father was just oblivious to the bad vibes that went on.
I came from a small town just outside of Philadelphia, a town that is so small that anyone who lives outside of the crop limit has never heard of it. It is an old, crappy little town dating back to the turn of the century; I am not really sure of the correct year that this town was founded.
People have a good reason not to have ever heard of this place because nothing ever happens here. There are no big radio stations or television stations, no big malls or museums, not even a hotel. No one ever comes here to see the sites or to tour the town (not that there are any sites to see).
The biggest thing that has ever happened here is the rumor that the chief of the police department was accused of stealing money. Everyone was all excited that something big was happening in this God forsaken town; someone even had a party to celebrate. The chief was taken to court and charged with embezzling over one hundred thousand dollars from the police department. Of course, to everyone’s disappointed, the accusations turned out to be false, just a rumor going wild and traveling fast (which always happens in a small town like this), which just goes to show how boring this town really is. Even the biggest scandal to hit this town got bored and ran away, leaving the old ladies in the local hair salon nothing to gossip about while they got their hair done.
On top of everything else, everything in this town is as old as freaking dirt. I mean, these buildings were built during the turn of the century, when the town was founded (or before that, because I really do not have any idea on when this town was founded), and not much has been done to them since then. The doors and windows all are original, as are the floors and walls. Thankfully, the mayor decided that in order to try to attract some day tourists to our town we should paint every building on Main Street, so everything has a nice, cozy feel to it. The mayor also decided to plant flowers down the sidewalks of Main Street.
Everyone in town is trying so hard to fix up the town to make it more attractive, but I personally think that there is only so much you can do to help a sad place like this town. And even though the town now has a very cozy feel to it, there is still the sense of death to every corner. The lost souls of the people who died here either because of war or natural causes still wander the streets.
Needless to say, I hate this stupid, decrypted old town. I hate everything about it. I hate the simplicity of it, the sameness. I hate the quietness of the day, the simple laid back atmosphere that the adults of this town seem to love so much.
The adults who have lived here all of their lives would never give this life up; they also hate change. They hate the generation that I belong to, and in their opinion, my generation is evil and the cause of everything bad in this world.
I have always hated this small town, even as a young girl. In fact, when I was just in middle school, I ran away from home and ended up in New York City. I just felt that I had to get out of this stupid town before I became just like my parents, a fate, that at the time, I thought was just as bad as death.
I always knew that I was destined for greatness that was beyond reach as long as I was in this town, so I hopped on a bus in Philadelphia and was on my way to the greatest city in the world, New York City. I wanted to become a famous actress. I wanted nothing more than to be on film and to have all the fame and fortune that came with it. Of course, at the time, I never realized how impossible it would be for a young girl to live on her own with a little more than a hundred dollars to her name.
I lived on the streets for a little more than a week and then was taken in by an elderly woman who had no husband or children to keep her company. She told me that she would not hurt me and that she would take care of me; my lie had worked. Now that I think about it I feel regretful about lying to this sweet lady who was so lonely, but at the time I decided that I would be better off telling her that I was an orphan. My world came falling down when she died a month after she had taken me in, and I found myself back on the streets of New York City.
The police eventually found me and called my parents. When my mother saw me, she ran to me and scooped me up into her arms and cried. She told me how worried she had been about me and how much she missed me. She thought that she would never see me again. But then she got real mad. As soon as we got into the car to start the drive home, she started yelling at me and telling me how much I had hurt her and my father. She told me about how when she was a young girl, her best friend had gone missing and then she turned up dead two weeks later. My mother said she had been so heartbroken that she went through a whole phase of depression; my mother even tried to commit suicide, but she was not successful. My mother went on to tell me about how hard it was for her friend’s parents to move on and how they are still trying to move on, even after forty years.
My father, who had not said a word since my parents came to get me at the police station in New York City, finally spoke up. He looked at me and told me that he was very disappointed with me and what I did was very wrong. He told me that I was going to be grounded for a very long time. I would only be allowed to go to school and the back home again. He also made it very clear that there would be no discussion about my punishment; I was to take it like an adult since I thought that I was one.
I took my punishment in silence. I knew that I had messed up, and I did whatever my parents asked of me. I wanted to show them that I was more mature than they thought.
The fact that I tried to get out of this town once before, and was not successful at doing so, did not cure me of ever wanting to get out of this place; in fact it made me want to get out of here more. I became addicted to life in the big city and I knew that once I was older, life in the big city would be even better. So I began working my ass off in school and at my job at the local general store because I knew that it would be my ticket out of that hellhole.
The day that I planned to leave started out normal enough. My mother yelled at me while I was getting dressed, but about what I am not quite sure. I think it had to do with the fact that she had a long night at work (she has worked nights since I was born) and I was running late because I over slept again. So while I was trying to run out the door to go to school my mother was standing behind me, yelling.
“I do not understand why you cannot set your alarm!” she yelled. “I worked so hard last night so I wanted to sleep in. But of course you are running late and I had to get you up. You are twenty years old! Why can’t you act like it?”
“Just leave me alone! I hate it when you act like this! You are so ridiculous sometimes!” I yelled right back. I always hate it when she acts like this, which is most of the time. She is always in such a bad mood. And the fact that I was already late for school didn’t help, either. “I work just as hard as you do, at both work and at school. I really wish that you could realize how hard I work. I also wish that you would realize how you think that you are the only one that has to work hard to live!” That’s the thing about my mom. She thinks that she is the only one of us that works hard to make ends meet. Sometimes it seems to me that our roles have been reversed; like she is the teenager and I am the adult. She never wants to take responsibility for her own actions, and she is almost fifty years old. I mean I am the one who should be irresponsible, not her.
I was getting tried of this whole fake image that my family put on for other people, mostly because, like me, they can see through it. Everyone in the town knew how my mother was, a little eccentric and neurotic, but really and truly she was not a bad mother. She loved us kids more than we could ever know or ever want to know. I guess she acted that way, overprotective and pushy, just so we could get everything out of our lives. In other words she just wanted what was best for us, just like any other mother.
Even if this was true, I didn’t care at that point in time. I just wanted her to drop it so I could get out of the door to school, the place that I always felt like I fit in.
“Why can’t you just let it drop, mom? You are making me very late!”
“Is it my fault that you are always running late for school?”
“Everything bad that happens to me is always your fault! You are the worse mother ever!”
“How can you say that to me?” she shirked at me.
“Because it is the truth!”
“Why can’t you be more like Lilly? Your sister would never talk to me like that!”
“Well I am not Lilly am I? And at least I am not pregnant at the age of twenty-four, either.”
“Why can’t you be more mature like your sister?”
“So, you want me to get pregnant at the age of twenty, without a husband?”
“You know that’s not what I meant. I want you to act more like your sister, attitude wise.”
“Maybe her attitude is better because she is the oldest and I am the middle child. And in fact, you and dad have always loved her and Tyler more than me.”
“You know that that’s not true. Your father and I love both of you girls and your little brother the same. There is no divide between our loves for you two girls. And Lilly is not better than you, Elizabeth. You know this also. Lilly has her own talents and you have your own set of talents.”
“You can save the bullshit, mom, and tell it to somebody who cares!” I yelled at her. I made the mistake to look at her then; she looked like she had been punched in the gut, not that I cared at that point. “And you know what else? I cannot wait to get out of this town! I cannot wait to be away from all of your drama and your constant shunning of your responsibilities off on your own kids. You need to grow up before you start telling me that I need to. You are acting just like a child!”
“How can you say that to me?”
“Because it is the truth and I do not care if it hurts you.” I hate when I have to repeat myself to my mother. If she really loved me, she would listen to me the first time instead of making me repeat myself ten thousand times. “You should hear what the rest of the town thinks about you, if you think that what your own daughter says about you is bad.”
“So what do they say about me?” she asked me as I walked out of the front door, ready to get away from her and all of her drama.

Outbursts like that where my mother would act like a complete and total tyrant is one of the reasons why I left. The other reason why I left was because I was twenty-two years old and I was still living at home with my mother and father, an older sister, a little brother, and my sister’s two-year-old daughter.
I got on the open road to see the sights. I was doing what I wanted to do, with no interference from my parents. My parents worried about me, of course, but they trusted me. They trusted me to take care of myself and to keep myself safe so they let me go.
There was no set plan of where or when I was going to be in a certain place. I just went where I felt like going, just to simply go there. I had free will for the first time in my life.
Back home, I had to help my older sister, Lilly, raise our younger brother and my sister’s young daughter. My brother was an active four year old and my niece was a two-year-old, so my life was pretty hectic. I never had a break between college, work, and my home life. That’s another reason why I left. My life never seemed to stop moving; it just flew by.
The day that I decided to leave, my mother cried. “Why are you doing this, Elizabeth? Why are you leaving us?” my mother had asked me. “You don’t have to do this, Elizabeth. In fact, there is no reason for you to do this.”
“Mom, I am doing this for myself. I am doing this for a reason that you will never understand.” I knew that when I decided to leave, my mom was never going to understand my reasoning for me leaving. My mom never knew how hard my sister and I worked to raise my younger brother and my niece. My mom was never home to help us. “I just need to get away for a while, to be alone. I am doing this for me and for no one else.”
“Well, I completely understand, Elizabeth,” my sister said. “We do work hard and you shouldn’t be carrying other people’s problems on your shoulders, at least not a twenty-two years old. You should be able to have a life of your own, and I wished I had realized that when I asked you to help me to raise Chelsea. I am so sorry, Elizabeth.” My sister had tears in her eyes. My sister finally saw things through my eyes.
“Lilly, you just needed help raising Chelsea and I agreed to help you. I will never regret that choice. I love Chelsea, Tyler, and you but I can’t stay here and let my whole life pass me by while I just watch. I have always had plans to travel since I was a little girl. I am not getting any younger and I just need time to think.” I smiled at her. “I need to start my own life, Lilly. I hope you understand.”
“I do, Elizabeth. I am so proud of you for taking control of your life and now you are going to do something with it.” She smiled back at me. “Chelsea is lucky to have an aunt like you, Elizabeth.”
“Thanks, Lilly. That means a lot to me.” Lilly reached over to hug me. “And I will come home someday. I am not going to stay away from my family forever.”
“I know you will come back, Elizabeth. I know you will.”
“Thank you, Lilly.”
“We are sisters. We have to stick together.” Lilly’s tears were flowing freely now. “Go upstairs and pack. I will take care of mom.”
I went upstairs, got my suitcase and began to pack. About an hour later, my mother came up to talk to me.
“Elizabeth, your father, sister and I had a long discussion about your plans. I still don’t like the idea of you going out on your own, but your father and sister think it would be a good learning experience for you, so we, your father and I, decided that you can go.”
My parents gave me some money and told me to be careful. I was supposed to call at every place I stopped to tell my parents that I was safe, but that only lasted about a week into my trip. My parents knew that I was safe.
My life had finally begun.

random


I don't have any posts about the book now, so enjoy this pic of Rob and Kristen while I try to get to the mall without getting too wet.. (stupid rain..)


Enjoy!!
source:

Thursday, September 10, 2009

for the peeps who want to read the book..

Here is a rough copy of the first two pages!!

Preface


Every great story has a beginning and this is mine. I really guess I can say that this is the beginning of the end, the end of everything.
I never really thought that any of this was possible or if I did, somewhere in my subconscious, I never thought it would happen to me in this small crappy town that I called home. Now that I was faced with my death and the death of the only guy that I have ever truly loved I realized that this was inevitable. Not only did I realize this, but also that my freakish nightmares of the past few months were warning me that this was going to be my fate; I would die beside the love of my life, and that this death would be slow and painful. My life had changed forever because of him. Before him, I just felt like I was going to cave in on myself. I felt like I was going to lose myself forever and that my world was going to come crashing down around me without anything to stop it. The feeling of helplessness was so unbearable and I could not find anyway out, there was one way, which was unthinkable, but I considered it. I knew how bad it would hurt my friends and family, but at the time I thought it was the only way. It was like this for a long time until he came into my life and changed it forever.
I turned to look at him at the exact same time he turned to look at me. He smiled the smile that I loved so much, and even in the face of death it reached all the way up to his eyes; his face was totally lit up.
“I love you,” he whispered. “I will love you forever.”
“I love you, too.” I replied. “Forever.”
Then he took my hand and we turned to face our fate together knowing that this would be the last time that we would see each other in this life. Our lives, at least on earth, were over.
So I have a problem..

ShouldI kill off Josh (character in book) or not??

If I kill him off, it will make the book longer and if not the book will be shorter. I have a chance to do it now, because of the way the last chapter (that has been written) is, but I don't know if I have the guts to take Josh away from Elizabeth like that. (I mean I got mad when Edward left Bella in New Moon, so you know, I am a romantic person!) It just seems like a cruel way to go.. being killed by your girlfriend that you just found out was turned into a vampire by your psycho, vampire father.

Any thoughts??
Please and thank you!!

=)

Welcome to blogging (I guess)

Okay.. so i am just going to lay it straight now..

I am an aspiring author and I created this blog so my friends and others can weigh in on how the story might progress..

Check in often to get the latest in Josh and Elizabeth's relationship..

ttyl.. =)