I had a dream last night and I think that I might try to use the ideas and change my novel up..
This is just an idea though and I have no idea if I will act upon it..
Check back later for new posts about the new ideas..
Love ya'll!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
I finally decided..
That the name of the new character is Anisa Marie.. Thanks for all you voted on the poll.. Check back later for more polls and posts..
Love ya'll..
Love ya'll..
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Problem...
I have a new problem..
I feel like my characters (Josh and Elizabeth) are falling in love too quickly, but I don't know what to do to prevent this.
Help??
Leave comments...
Please and thank you!!
Problem...
I have a new problem..
I feel like my characters (Josh and Elizabeth) are falling in love too quickly, but I don't know what to do to prevent this.
Help??
Leave comments...
Please and thank you!!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Something that i am working on
Here's part of something that I am working on.. Comments anyone??
Please and Thank You!!
“He then proceeded to sexually abuse me. He would bring in his girlfriends and they would force me to have sex with them; then he’d force me to do it with him, which was disgusting.” Poor Josh! I couldn’t believe the type of things his father did to him.
“Every few days I would be lying in the Emergency Room at the local hospital waiting for cat scans and x-rays to come back. My father had insurance, so I never had to pay for treatment. The doctors, however, were suspicious of my new injuries that I came in with every few days, but I kept my mouth shut. I was afraid that if I told someone what was happening at home my father would hurt me more.
“As the months passed, my father became more violent. He hit me more, but he also started using things like baseball bats and knives. He would cut my wrists and he would squeeze them to make more blood flow from the wounds; the cuts would bleed for hours after my father was finished with me. His girlfriends and he kept up with the sexual abuse too.
“After my father would leave for his eighteen hour days at the factory, I would go to another Emergency Room across town from the one I went to in the beginning, and there the doctors would give me transfusions. After a few days of me coming in with cut wrists and almost half my blood gone from my body, the doctors concluded that I was doing this to myself for attention and they admitted me to the psychiatric ward for a total of ten days.
“I didn’t mind being in the hospital as much as I thought I would. I got good meals and someone was always there to keep me company. I was also away from my father and his abuse; I didn’t even bother to call him to tell him where I was. I was finally safe, for a while anyway.
“Ten days came and went. I was released from the hospital and very reluctant to go home, but I didn’t have a choice. I knew that my father was going to be so pissed at me and that he was going to hurt me like he never hurt me before. I was right.” He stopped as he gagged again; I hurried to the trash can and shoved it under his mouth just as he vomited up his breakfast. He was very upset, that much was clear.
“Josh, you can stop now. I get it. He hurt you.” I wiped his face with a wash cloth. The cool water seem to have a calming effect on him. “I understand, Josh,” but he continued on with his story as if he didn’t hear me; he was in that house with his father again. He was reliving his tragic past.
“The minute I walked through the door my father started chasing me with a knife. I knew that he was going to kill me. I kept outsmarting him for a while but I made one wrong move and my father cornered me. He began to stab me repeatedly in my chest and my legs.” Josh came back to the present suddenly; he lifted up his shirt to show me the scars on his chest left by his father’s hatred. “Then when my father thought that I was done for, he left while I was on the floor gasping for breath as I vomited up blood. When he walked out of the front door, the police were waiting for him. They took him to custody and he was eventually booked on charges of child abuse, physically, emotionally, and sexually, because I was a minor and attempted murder. He was found guilty for all charges as were all of his various girlfriends who had sexually abused me.
“The paramedics came in and took me to the hospital where I remained in the intensive care unit for four weeks, or a month; however you want to look at it. Regardless, I recovered in the hospital for a total of two months, my stay in the intensive care plus my stay in the regular part of the hospital. I was released in the month of May to my grandmother, my father’s mother who I had never known growing up, who lived in Los Angeles.”
Josh turned to look at me then. His big, baby blue eyes were filled with tears again as he laid his head against my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly to me because there were no words that I could say to make him feel better because I had been there; nothing can make a person who lived with an abusive parent feel better.
“Josh,” I whispered. “I know how you feel.”
“You can’t possibly know how I feel, Elizabeth.”
“I do, Josh. My mother abused me, too.”
“Elizabeth! Is that your way of joking about this?” he asked.
“No, Josh.” I lifted up my shirt to show Josh the scars on my own stomach made there by my mother some years ago.
Please and Thank You!!
“He then proceeded to sexually abuse me. He would bring in his girlfriends and they would force me to have sex with them; then he’d force me to do it with him, which was disgusting.” Poor Josh! I couldn’t believe the type of things his father did to him.
“Every few days I would be lying in the Emergency Room at the local hospital waiting for cat scans and x-rays to come back. My father had insurance, so I never had to pay for treatment. The doctors, however, were suspicious of my new injuries that I came in with every few days, but I kept my mouth shut. I was afraid that if I told someone what was happening at home my father would hurt me more.
“As the months passed, my father became more violent. He hit me more, but he also started using things like baseball bats and knives. He would cut my wrists and he would squeeze them to make more blood flow from the wounds; the cuts would bleed for hours after my father was finished with me. His girlfriends and he kept up with the sexual abuse too.
“After my father would leave for his eighteen hour days at the factory, I would go to another Emergency Room across town from the one I went to in the beginning, and there the doctors would give me transfusions. After a few days of me coming in with cut wrists and almost half my blood gone from my body, the doctors concluded that I was doing this to myself for attention and they admitted me to the psychiatric ward for a total of ten days.
“I didn’t mind being in the hospital as much as I thought I would. I got good meals and someone was always there to keep me company. I was also away from my father and his abuse; I didn’t even bother to call him to tell him where I was. I was finally safe, for a while anyway.
“Ten days came and went. I was released from the hospital and very reluctant to go home, but I didn’t have a choice. I knew that my father was going to be so pissed at me and that he was going to hurt me like he never hurt me before. I was right.” He stopped as he gagged again; I hurried to the trash can and shoved it under his mouth just as he vomited up his breakfast. He was very upset, that much was clear.
“Josh, you can stop now. I get it. He hurt you.” I wiped his face with a wash cloth. The cool water seem to have a calming effect on him. “I understand, Josh,” but he continued on with his story as if he didn’t hear me; he was in that house with his father again. He was reliving his tragic past.
“The minute I walked through the door my father started chasing me with a knife. I knew that he was going to kill me. I kept outsmarting him for a while but I made one wrong move and my father cornered me. He began to stab me repeatedly in my chest and my legs.” Josh came back to the present suddenly; he lifted up his shirt to show me the scars on his chest left by his father’s hatred. “Then when my father thought that I was done for, he left while I was on the floor gasping for breath as I vomited up blood. When he walked out of the front door, the police were waiting for him. They took him to custody and he was eventually booked on charges of child abuse, physically, emotionally, and sexually, because I was a minor and attempted murder. He was found guilty for all charges as were all of his various girlfriends who had sexually abused me.
“The paramedics came in and took me to the hospital where I remained in the intensive care unit for four weeks, or a month; however you want to look at it. Regardless, I recovered in the hospital for a total of two months, my stay in the intensive care plus my stay in the regular part of the hospital. I was released in the month of May to my grandmother, my father’s mother who I had never known growing up, who lived in Los Angeles.”
Josh turned to look at me then. His big, baby blue eyes were filled with tears again as he laid his head against my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly to me because there were no words that I could say to make him feel better because I had been there; nothing can make a person who lived with an abusive parent feel better.
“Josh,” I whispered. “I know how you feel.”
“You can’t possibly know how I feel, Elizabeth.”
“I do, Josh. My mother abused me, too.”
“Elizabeth! Is that your way of joking about this?” he asked.
“No, Josh.” I lifted up my shirt to show Josh the scars on my own stomach made there by my mother some years ago.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Finally, another blog (again)!!
here's the beginning.. half revised..
Preface
Every great story has a beginning and this is mine. I really guess I can say that this is the beginning of the end, the end of everything.
I never really thought that any of this was possible, or if I did, somewhere in my subconscious, I never thought that it could happen to a village girl like me. Now that I was faced with death, and the death of the only guy I ever truly loved, I realized that it was inevitable; not only that but that my freakish nightmares of the past few months were warning me that this would be our fate. I would die beside the guy that I loved and that our deaths would be slow and painful.
My life had changed forever because of him. Before him, I just felt like I was going to cave in on myself. I felt like I was going to lose myself forever and that my world was going to come crashing around me without anything to stop it. The feeling of helplessness was so unbearable and I could not find any way out; there was one way, which was unthinkable, but I considered it. I knew how bad it would hurt my family and the few friends I had but at the time I thought it was the only way out. It was like this for a long time until he came into my life and changed it forever.
I turned to look at him then. He smiled that smile that I loved so much, and even in the face of death, it lit up his whole face and reached all the way up to his eyes.
“I love you,” he whispered. “I will love you forever.”
“I love you, too,” I replied. “Forever.”
Then he took my hand and we turned to face out fate together knowing that this would see each other in this life. Our lives, which had blended so well together, on earth, were over.
Preface
Every great story has a beginning and this is mine. I really guess I can say that this is the beginning of the end, the end of everything.
I never really thought that any of this was possible, or if I did, somewhere in my subconscious, I never thought that it could happen to a village girl like me. Now that I was faced with death, and the death of the only guy I ever truly loved, I realized that it was inevitable; not only that but that my freakish nightmares of the past few months were warning me that this would be our fate. I would die beside the guy that I loved and that our deaths would be slow and painful.
My life had changed forever because of him. Before him, I just felt like I was going to cave in on myself. I felt like I was going to lose myself forever and that my world was going to come crashing around me without anything to stop it. The feeling of helplessness was so unbearable and I could not find any way out; there was one way, which was unthinkable, but I considered it. I knew how bad it would hurt my family and the few friends I had but at the time I thought it was the only way out. It was like this for a long time until he came into my life and changed it forever.
I turned to look at him then. He smiled that smile that I loved so much, and even in the face of death, it lit up his whole face and reached all the way up to his eyes.
“I love you,” he whispered. “I will love you forever.”
“I love you, too,” I replied. “Forever.”
Then he took my hand and we turned to face out fate together knowing that this would see each other in this life. Our lives, which had blended so well together, on earth, were over.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
stuck in my head!!
SONNET 130
by William Shakespeare
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
source: http://www.shakespeare-online.com/sonnets/130.html
by William Shakespeare
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
source: http://www.shakespeare-online.com/sonnets/130.html
Finally, another blog!!
Another excerpt.. Enjoy!!
“So how bad is he?” Chloe asked me. Chloe had been there when Josh got hurt. In fact if it weren’t for her talking to Josh and keeping him awake until we reached the hospital, Josh would probably be in a lot worse condition than he was now.
“Well, you know that when he fell he took most of the impact on his back and when he moved himself into my lap, he messed his back up worse. There is a good chance that Josh will never walk again.” I had to stop to try to swallow back the bile that was coming up from my stomach. “He also broke both of his arms and legs, but they should heal. He has some broken ribs and his pelvis is broken. He had to be catheterized so he can use the restroom.” I stopped again, but this time I was fighting the urge to cry and I didn’t want to cry anymore. “His condition is not improving. He sleeps most of the day and when he is not sleeping, he moans in pain. He is in a lot of pain, so he is heavily medicated.”
“Is he awake right now?” she asked me with her eyes full of concern.
“When I left his room to come meet you, he wasn’t. He may have woken up since then though.”
“Is there anything else that I should know before I go in?”
“Yes, there is. His hair had to be completely shaved off of his face and head so the doctors could treat the wounds that Josh had there. It might be a little shocking at first, but he is still Josh, in body and in his mind. He’s just not all there now, but the doctors said that he would probably recover from that.” In my head I silently added, so they hope. But hope can only bring someone so far and I am past the point of hoping for Josh to get better. Josh needs a miracle to get better now.
“Ok, well I guess I’ll go in now. I hope that I can handle it,” Chloe said as she turned the knob to open the door that led to Josh’s room.
I didn’t dare follow Chloe into Josh’s room, for fear of what her face would look like when she actually saw with her own eyes how bad Josh’s condition was. That’s when I heard Josh’s scream.
“Josh, what’s wrong!” I screamed as I ran into his room. “Are you ok? Josh, answer me!”
“He’s here! He’s here!” Josh was shouting as I ran back into the room.
“Who’s here, Josh?!” Chloe was standing over him with his grandmother on the other side of him.
“Tell me who’s here, Josh,” his grandmother said pointedly. “Tell me.”
His face went pale, his eyes rolled back in his head, and he began to shake ever so slightly.
“Josh!” Chloe screamed, tears running down her face. “I can’t stay here; I have to go,” and Chloe was gone.
“He’s here in this room!” Josh was still screaming as he came to again.
“Josh, look at me,” I said. I felt very protective of him in that instant. Something was very wrong with Josh; it was like someone had taken over his whole body. Every inch of his body was shaking uncontrollably now and tears were flowing down his cheeks. “Josh, who is in this room?” I could feel the fear in his thoughts.
I used my newfound abilities to search every nook and cranny of Josh’s room to find the source of his distress, but everything was quite within the room besides Josh’s constant screams. I decided then to use my abilities to check within Josh conscious to try to find the possible cause of his stress when a nurse with long, curly blond hair appeared in the doorway carrying a syringe full of medication.
She glided over to Josh’s bed and took his arm, the one with the tubes, and stuck the syringe into the tube, ejected the medication and walked away without saying a word. Josh’s body and screams began to work almost immediately as the medication made its way through Josh’s body.
“Elizabeth, I’m scared,” he whispered.
“I know, Josh. I am, too.” I reached down to wipe his tears away. He smiled up at me as his eyelids began to droop closed.
“I love you, Elizabeth.”
“I love you, too.” I pulled the covers over Josh. “Just rest now, Josh. Everything is ok now,” I said a little too late because Josh was already asleep with his hands across his chest.
“So how bad is he?” Chloe asked me. Chloe had been there when Josh got hurt. In fact if it weren’t for her talking to Josh and keeping him awake until we reached the hospital, Josh would probably be in a lot worse condition than he was now.
“Well, you know that when he fell he took most of the impact on his back and when he moved himself into my lap, he messed his back up worse. There is a good chance that Josh will never walk again.” I had to stop to try to swallow back the bile that was coming up from my stomach. “He also broke both of his arms and legs, but they should heal. He has some broken ribs and his pelvis is broken. He had to be catheterized so he can use the restroom.” I stopped again, but this time I was fighting the urge to cry and I didn’t want to cry anymore. “His condition is not improving. He sleeps most of the day and when he is not sleeping, he moans in pain. He is in a lot of pain, so he is heavily medicated.”
“Is he awake right now?” she asked me with her eyes full of concern.
“When I left his room to come meet you, he wasn’t. He may have woken up since then though.”
“Is there anything else that I should know before I go in?”
“Yes, there is. His hair had to be completely shaved off of his face and head so the doctors could treat the wounds that Josh had there. It might be a little shocking at first, but he is still Josh, in body and in his mind. He’s just not all there now, but the doctors said that he would probably recover from that.” In my head I silently added, so they hope. But hope can only bring someone so far and I am past the point of hoping for Josh to get better. Josh needs a miracle to get better now.
“Ok, well I guess I’ll go in now. I hope that I can handle it,” Chloe said as she turned the knob to open the door that led to Josh’s room.
I didn’t dare follow Chloe into Josh’s room, for fear of what her face would look like when she actually saw with her own eyes how bad Josh’s condition was. That’s when I heard Josh’s scream.
“Josh, what’s wrong!” I screamed as I ran into his room. “Are you ok? Josh, answer me!”
“He’s here! He’s here!” Josh was shouting as I ran back into the room.
“Who’s here, Josh?!” Chloe was standing over him with his grandmother on the other side of him.
“Tell me who’s here, Josh,” his grandmother said pointedly. “Tell me.”
His face went pale, his eyes rolled back in his head, and he began to shake ever so slightly.
“Josh!” Chloe screamed, tears running down her face. “I can’t stay here; I have to go,” and Chloe was gone.
“He’s here in this room!” Josh was still screaming as he came to again.
“Josh, look at me,” I said. I felt very protective of him in that instant. Something was very wrong with Josh; it was like someone had taken over his whole body. Every inch of his body was shaking uncontrollably now and tears were flowing down his cheeks. “Josh, who is in this room?” I could feel the fear in his thoughts.
I used my newfound abilities to search every nook and cranny of Josh’s room to find the source of his distress, but everything was quite within the room besides Josh’s constant screams. I decided then to use my abilities to check within Josh conscious to try to find the possible cause of his stress when a nurse with long, curly blond hair appeared in the doorway carrying a syringe full of medication.
She glided over to Josh’s bed and took his arm, the one with the tubes, and stuck the syringe into the tube, ejected the medication and walked away without saying a word. Josh’s body and screams began to work almost immediately as the medication made its way through Josh’s body.
“Elizabeth, I’m scared,” he whispered.
“I know, Josh. I am, too.” I reached down to wipe his tears away. He smiled up at me as his eyelids began to droop closed.
“I love you, Elizabeth.”
“I love you, too.” I pulled the covers over Josh. “Just rest now, Josh. Everything is ok now,” I said a little too late because Josh was already asleep with his hands across his chest.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Excerpt..
Here is an excerpt.. Enjoy!!
Josh fell. He fell over a hundred feet to the ground and landed with a thud. Even the pad that they had set up for such an event did not ease the impact of his fall.
Everything started happening at once after that. People started screaming, crying at the site of Josh’s mangled body, but mostly they were running to where Josh laid. He was sprawled out on the ground, arms raised up over his head. His eyes were closed, his lips parted slightly, like he was trying to hold back a scream.
I slowly sat down beside Josh and I took his limp hand in mine. I squeezed it and he began to open his eyes. A gasp swept through the already forming crowd around us.
Josh started to look around the group that had started to form around us, however his gaze stopped on me. He held it there for what seemed like forever, but it was only a couple of seconds. Then he started trying to sit up, which sent another gasp through the crowd.
“Josh don’t move!” someone behind me shouted.
“Don’t move! You’ll hurt yourself more!” another person shouted.
“Josh! Lay still! If you hurt your back, you will hurt it worse by moving around so much. Just lay still, honey. Help is coming!” Josh’s grandmother was telling him on his other side. He did as he was told.
Big, fat tears began streaming down his pretty boy face; he was in pain. He wanted to be comforted by me. He wanted me to tell him that everything was going to be ok, but I couldn’t. I began to wipe the tears away from his big, baby blue eyes.
“Shh, it’s ok Josh. I’m here. I’m here.” He looked up at me and smiled. I smiled back and I felt my motherly instincts kick in.
“Josh,” I whispered, “Don’t go to sleep. Do you hear me? You have to stay awake. Do not go to sleep. You have to stay awake.” I began to stroke the side of his neck. “Stay with me Josh! Don’t let go!”
I needed someone to talk to Josh, to keep him from going to sleep. I knew my voice was going to end up giving me away if I kept talking to Josh. I needed someone else to do it. That’s when I noticed one of his co-stars standing close to us. I looked straight at her and she understood at once what I needed her to do.
“Josh, talk to me. Can you talk to me?” Chloe began to talk to Josh, who was crying in pain and sitting against me. “Look at me, Josh. Can you tell me your name? What is your name? Can you tell me your name?” I had to give Chloe her props; she kept talking even though she wasn’t getting any response from Josh. He was just staring at her, with tears running down his pretty boy face, like he didn’t even know who she was.
“Josh, please stay with me. Keep your eyes open; do not close your eyes,” I said quietly, still stroking his neck. “Please don’t leave me, Josh.” Tears were welling up in my eyes. Josh was starting to shake; he was going into shock.
Josh fell. He fell over a hundred feet to the ground and landed with a thud. Even the pad that they had set up for such an event did not ease the impact of his fall.
Everything started happening at once after that. People started screaming, crying at the site of Josh’s mangled body, but mostly they were running to where Josh laid. He was sprawled out on the ground, arms raised up over his head. His eyes were closed, his lips parted slightly, like he was trying to hold back a scream.
I slowly sat down beside Josh and I took his limp hand in mine. I squeezed it and he began to open his eyes. A gasp swept through the already forming crowd around us.
Josh started to look around the group that had started to form around us, however his gaze stopped on me. He held it there for what seemed like forever, but it was only a couple of seconds. Then he started trying to sit up, which sent another gasp through the crowd.
“Josh don’t move!” someone behind me shouted.
“Don’t move! You’ll hurt yourself more!” another person shouted.
“Josh! Lay still! If you hurt your back, you will hurt it worse by moving around so much. Just lay still, honey. Help is coming!” Josh’s grandmother was telling him on his other side. He did as he was told.
Big, fat tears began streaming down his pretty boy face; he was in pain. He wanted to be comforted by me. He wanted me to tell him that everything was going to be ok, but I couldn’t. I began to wipe the tears away from his big, baby blue eyes.
“Shh, it’s ok Josh. I’m here. I’m here.” He looked up at me and smiled. I smiled back and I felt my motherly instincts kick in.
“Josh,” I whispered, “Don’t go to sleep. Do you hear me? You have to stay awake. Do not go to sleep. You have to stay awake.” I began to stroke the side of his neck. “Stay with me Josh! Don’t let go!”
I needed someone to talk to Josh, to keep him from going to sleep. I knew my voice was going to end up giving me away if I kept talking to Josh. I needed someone else to do it. That’s when I noticed one of his co-stars standing close to us. I looked straight at her and she understood at once what I needed her to do.
“Josh, talk to me. Can you talk to me?” Chloe began to talk to Josh, who was crying in pain and sitting against me. “Look at me, Josh. Can you tell me your name? What is your name? Can you tell me your name?” I had to give Chloe her props; she kept talking even though she wasn’t getting any response from Josh. He was just staring at her, with tears running down his pretty boy face, like he didn’t even know who she was.
“Josh, please stay with me. Keep your eyes open; do not close your eyes,” I said quietly, still stroking his neck. “Please don’t leave me, Josh.” Tears were welling up in my eyes. Josh was starting to shake; he was going into shock.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Sorry
No time to post in the past few days, been super busy!! (Not even picture to give ya'll..)
I'll post something soon though, I promise!!
Night all!!
I'll post something soon though, I promise!!
Night all!!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Chapter 2 (for my wonderfully helpful cousin, Lindsey!!)
Here's chapter 2.. I know I am not going in oder, so just go with the flow!!
Chapter 2
I never knew that one guy would be able to change my life so much in just one ten-minute conversation, but he did and my life was never the same again.
The day started out normal enough. I had arrived in New York early that week.
I walked into a local café to get myself a bite to eat and that’s when I saw him. He was sitting on a bar stool, eating a hamburger of all things. I knew who he was right away.
“May I help you?” the hostess asked me.
“Table for one,” I told her, only paying half attention to what was going on around me. All that mattered to me was the handsome guy eating the hamburger.
I was so dazed that I didn’t notice the wet floor sign, which I tripped over, which was not a surprise because I hadn’t been paying attention to where I was walking, and fell flat on my face. Everyone around me started laughing at me, including the hostess. Well, I might as well just lay here since I can’t feel my legs, I thought to myself, but that didn’t make any sense because there was no pain. I started struggling to get up, which made my audience laugh even harder.
“Here, let me help you,” he said, giving me his hand and pulling me up.
“Thanks for the help. You cannot imagine how stupid I feel right now.” My face was starting to blush; I could feel it. “Well thanks for the help,” I said as I turned to walk away.
“Why don’t you join me for lunch? I could use the company,” he said with a smile that reached all the way up to his eyes and lit up his whole face. “Please? I won’t hurt you.”
“Well, ok. I guess it won’t hurt,” I said with a fake smile planted on my face, a smile that I hope he bought. He took my hand and led me to the place where he had been when I entered the café.
“So, what’s your name?” he asked me curiously, picking at his burger.
“Elizabeth.”
“That’s a pretty name for a pretty girl,” he said with the same grin that he had when he asked me to have lunch with him.
“Was that supposed to be a pick up line? If so, it was lame and you should think about getting another one,” I said, jokingly. I could feel myself starting to loosen up with him, and we had only been talking for a few minutes.
“Yea, that was kind of lame wasn’t it?” He still had that smile on his face. “Are you going to ask me my name?”
“There is no need for me to do that. I know exactly who you are.”
“Oh, do you?”
“Yes, I do.”
“So, what is my name?”
“I would tell you, but I am thinking that you trying to hide yourself, or you wouldn’t be wearing that outfit.”
“Your very smart, Elizabeth.”
“Well, thank you.”
“You are welcome.”
“The truth is that the paparazzi and my fans follow me everywhere, so when I go out without my body guard, I wear a disguise so I won’t be hassled.”
“You’re very smart, too. I would have never thought of that idea if I was you.” I returned his smile. “In fact, I would probably just hold up in my house and never leave.”
“Which is exactly why I go out incognito. I would never want to have a life where I couldn’t leave my house. I would rather be chased for miles than never leave my house.”
“I really don’t blame you. That would be a very tragic life to live that way.”
“Yes, it would be.” The smile that he had plastered on his face began to diminish in the silence. The silence lasted for a long time, neither of us wanting to break it. I was waiting for him to break it and he was waiting for me to break it. Eventually the silence got the best of him, and he broke it.
“So what brings you to New York, Elizabeth?”
“Just traveling, seeing the sights. You know just getting some alone time away from the family?”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you leave your family behind? Were they that bad?”
“Why does it matter to you?” I really didn’t feel comfortable with telling this guy all my secrets, even if I was starting to loosen up with him, when I had only known him for a few minutes. I was always a slight bit shy and I never did like to meet new people.
“I was just wondering. There is no reason to get testy, Elizabeth.” The door to the café opened then, and a hundred or so screaming girls ran in.
“Oh my gosh, it’s really him. It’s Josh!” one screamed.
“Great! I thought they would never find me, but I was wrong,” Josh was already up and heading towards the door. “Nice to meet you, Elizabeth.” Josh ran out of the door and was gone.
“That poor boy. He never gets a break from the limelight,” the waitress behind the counter said. “Do you need anything, hun?”
“Yea. I would like a milkshake, a strawberry one, please. Also, can you bring me Josh’s check if he didn’t pay?”
“Sure thing, hun.” She smiled at me and walked away. She retrieved both my milkshake and Josh’s check.
“Don’t get your hopes up about dating that boy. Almost every girl is in love with him and the chances of him actually falling for you are slim to none.” The waitress had a sympathetic look in her eyes. “Just don’t waste your time.” She walked away again.
I never planned on dating Josh. I was just had lunch with the guy; that was all there was. I knew that he would never fall for me if I did ever see him again, and the chances of me actually seeing him again were zero to none.
But if was being honest with myself, something that I have always had problems with, I would have to admit that I did want to see him again. He seemed like a nice enough guy that I could just be friends with, that much was certain. I would also have to admit to myself that I was attracted to him, both physically and emotionally.
I was beginning to have a war with myself. There was a part of me that kept saying that Josh was going to be mine. We were going to be together forever and nothing was going to change that. The other side of my brain, the more logical side, was telling me that I was never going to see Josh again and that I might as well forget it.
When it came down to it, I felt a deep connection to this guy who I hardly knew. I knew who he was and what he did for a living; I knew that some of his roles involved him kissing other girls, but that didn’t really bother me. What bothered me was that I had only known this guy for a short time and that I was having such strong feelings for him in that short amount of time.
Josh could never feel the same way about me though. He was Joshua Abrams, box office sensation, but I still had feelings for him, feelings that would never be returned to me by Josh. I had feelings for him and that was all that mattered to me.
Josh was wonderfully sweet and polite, not to mention very handsome, and ever the gentleman. He was the perfect guy, and I, Elizabeth Marie Henderson, was totally and completely smitten.
I knew that he would never feel the same way about me that I felt about him. I was too plain and average looking for him to fall with me. I was the girl next door and he was the popular movie star. How could he ever fall for me? We were from two different worlds.
Maybe in some crazy, mixed up world Josh could fall for someone like me, but that was just wishful thinking. He was an actor and people never look at people like me twice. I had no special talents to speak of and no super model looks. He could do much better than me, but I still couldn’t help how I felt about him.
I was in love.
(END)
Chapter 2
I never knew that one guy would be able to change my life so much in just one ten-minute conversation, but he did and my life was never the same again.
The day started out normal enough. I had arrived in New York early that week.
I walked into a local café to get myself a bite to eat and that’s when I saw him. He was sitting on a bar stool, eating a hamburger of all things. I knew who he was right away.
“May I help you?” the hostess asked me.
“Table for one,” I told her, only paying half attention to what was going on around me. All that mattered to me was the handsome guy eating the hamburger.
I was so dazed that I didn’t notice the wet floor sign, which I tripped over, which was not a surprise because I hadn’t been paying attention to where I was walking, and fell flat on my face. Everyone around me started laughing at me, including the hostess. Well, I might as well just lay here since I can’t feel my legs, I thought to myself, but that didn’t make any sense because there was no pain. I started struggling to get up, which made my audience laugh even harder.
“Here, let me help you,” he said, giving me his hand and pulling me up.
“Thanks for the help. You cannot imagine how stupid I feel right now.” My face was starting to blush; I could feel it. “Well thanks for the help,” I said as I turned to walk away.
“Why don’t you join me for lunch? I could use the company,” he said with a smile that reached all the way up to his eyes and lit up his whole face. “Please? I won’t hurt you.”
“Well, ok. I guess it won’t hurt,” I said with a fake smile planted on my face, a smile that I hope he bought. He took my hand and led me to the place where he had been when I entered the café.
“So, what’s your name?” he asked me curiously, picking at his burger.
“Elizabeth.”
“That’s a pretty name for a pretty girl,” he said with the same grin that he had when he asked me to have lunch with him.
“Was that supposed to be a pick up line? If so, it was lame and you should think about getting another one,” I said, jokingly. I could feel myself starting to loosen up with him, and we had only been talking for a few minutes.
“Yea, that was kind of lame wasn’t it?” He still had that smile on his face. “Are you going to ask me my name?”
“There is no need for me to do that. I know exactly who you are.”
“Oh, do you?”
“Yes, I do.”
“So, what is my name?”
“I would tell you, but I am thinking that you trying to hide yourself, or you wouldn’t be wearing that outfit.”
“Your very smart, Elizabeth.”
“Well, thank you.”
“You are welcome.”
“The truth is that the paparazzi and my fans follow me everywhere, so when I go out without my body guard, I wear a disguise so I won’t be hassled.”
“You’re very smart, too. I would have never thought of that idea if I was you.” I returned his smile. “In fact, I would probably just hold up in my house and never leave.”
“Which is exactly why I go out incognito. I would never want to have a life where I couldn’t leave my house. I would rather be chased for miles than never leave my house.”
“I really don’t blame you. That would be a very tragic life to live that way.”
“Yes, it would be.” The smile that he had plastered on his face began to diminish in the silence. The silence lasted for a long time, neither of us wanting to break it. I was waiting for him to break it and he was waiting for me to break it. Eventually the silence got the best of him, and he broke it.
“So what brings you to New York, Elizabeth?”
“Just traveling, seeing the sights. You know just getting some alone time away from the family?”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you leave your family behind? Were they that bad?”
“Why does it matter to you?” I really didn’t feel comfortable with telling this guy all my secrets, even if I was starting to loosen up with him, when I had only known him for a few minutes. I was always a slight bit shy and I never did like to meet new people.
“I was just wondering. There is no reason to get testy, Elizabeth.” The door to the café opened then, and a hundred or so screaming girls ran in.
“Oh my gosh, it’s really him. It’s Josh!” one screamed.
“Great! I thought they would never find me, but I was wrong,” Josh was already up and heading towards the door. “Nice to meet you, Elizabeth.” Josh ran out of the door and was gone.
“That poor boy. He never gets a break from the limelight,” the waitress behind the counter said. “Do you need anything, hun?”
“Yea. I would like a milkshake, a strawberry one, please. Also, can you bring me Josh’s check if he didn’t pay?”
“Sure thing, hun.” She smiled at me and walked away. She retrieved both my milkshake and Josh’s check.
“Don’t get your hopes up about dating that boy. Almost every girl is in love with him and the chances of him actually falling for you are slim to none.” The waitress had a sympathetic look in her eyes. “Just don’t waste your time.” She walked away again.
I never planned on dating Josh. I was just had lunch with the guy; that was all there was. I knew that he would never fall for me if I did ever see him again, and the chances of me actually seeing him again were zero to none.
But if was being honest with myself, something that I have always had problems with, I would have to admit that I did want to see him again. He seemed like a nice enough guy that I could just be friends with, that much was certain. I would also have to admit to myself that I was attracted to him, both physically and emotionally.
I was beginning to have a war with myself. There was a part of me that kept saying that Josh was going to be mine. We were going to be together forever and nothing was going to change that. The other side of my brain, the more logical side, was telling me that I was never going to see Josh again and that I might as well forget it.
When it came down to it, I felt a deep connection to this guy who I hardly knew. I knew who he was and what he did for a living; I knew that some of his roles involved him kissing other girls, but that didn’t really bother me. What bothered me was that I had only known this guy for a short time and that I was having such strong feelings for him in that short amount of time.
Josh could never feel the same way about me though. He was Joshua Abrams, box office sensation, but I still had feelings for him, feelings that would never be returned to me by Josh. I had feelings for him and that was all that mattered to me.
Josh was wonderfully sweet and polite, not to mention very handsome, and ever the gentleman. He was the perfect guy, and I, Elizabeth Marie Henderson, was totally and completely smitten.
I knew that he would never feel the same way about me that I felt about him. I was too plain and average looking for him to fall with me. I was the girl next door and he was the popular movie star. How could he ever fall for me? We were from two different worlds.
Maybe in some crazy, mixed up world Josh could fall for someone like me, but that was just wishful thinking. He was an actor and people never look at people like me twice. I had no special talents to speak of and no super model looks. He could do much better than me, but I still couldn’t help how I felt about him.
I was in love.
(END)
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
I HAVE A QUESTION!
How should Josh and Elizabeth meet??
I hate how I have it in my book, so I am thinking about trashing it and starting over..
Anyone have any thoughts??
Please and thank you!!
I hate how I have it in my book, so I am thinking about trashing it and starting over..
Anyone have any thoughts??
Please and thank you!!
My Day.. (in short form)
Got hardly no sleep last night..
Woke up this morning feeling worse then I did last night..
Decided to miss classes and stay home..
Woke up again around 12:30 and still felt bad..
Talked to my mom, who suggested that I should go to the after hours clinic to make sure I didn't have the flu..
Went to the clinic at 5:30..
Took an hour for me to fill out paperwork and to see the doctor..
The doctor told me I didn't have the flu..
Got a shot and got my meds..
That was pretty much my day..
I am feeling a little better now, thanks to the shot and meds..
Woke up this morning feeling worse then I did last night..
Decided to miss classes and stay home..
Woke up again around 12:30 and still felt bad..
Talked to my mom, who suggested that I should go to the after hours clinic to make sure I didn't have the flu..
Went to the clinic at 5:30..
Took an hour for me to fill out paperwork and to see the doctor..
The doctor told me I didn't have the flu..
Got a shot and got my meds..
That was pretty much my day..
I am feeling a little better now, thanks to the shot and meds..
My favorite chapter (contains spoliers!)
This is my favorite chapter that I have written for my novel.. Hope ya'll enjoy it!!
Chapter 6
August 21st
Dear Diary,
Josh has been troubled since we have reached our most recent destination, Denver. I cannot tell you how I know that he is troubled, but he is giving off really bad vibes from his subconscious, like there is a memory that he is trying not to remember. I can feel the pain and tension that is radiating off of him from a few miles away. I still don’t know how I can do that now when I couldn’t before we reached Tampa.
The bite mark that appeared on my arm about two weeks ago has started to heal. I have no idea how I got it, but I do remember having a nightmare that night, a nightmare that prevented me from sleeping well for at least a week afterwards.
I am afraid that if I write my nightmare down, I will have the nightmare again; however if I do not write it down, it will haunt me forever. Josh’s screams will haunt me forever anyways, so I might as well take the chance.
It all started the first night that Josh and I arrived in Tampa, Florida. We rented a room together, because the hotel only had one left, and I turned in early so we could go sightseeing the next day. The next thing I knew, I woke up screaming, but a pillow muffled my screams. Josh groaned in his sleep next to me and rolled over, but never woke up. I went out to the balcony to try to sort everything out.
The dream, which turned into a nightmare, started out innocently enough. Josh and I were walking down the beach hand in hand, laughing and cutting up. We were having a great time, just being together, when my dream changed.
We were running through a forest now, being chased by a black hooded killer. He had no face, but his fingers were long and slender, like the hand of a creature of the dark. I remember a word being whispered through the trees, like the lyrics of a haunting song. “Vampire,” the trees sang. “Vampire, vampire, vampire.”
“Josh, do you hear that?” I asked him as he pulled me through the trees.
Suddenly he stopped. He looked at me with bright red eyes and in a hunter’s crouch growled at me, fangs showing.
“Josh!?” I tried to scream, but it got caught back in my throat. I couldn’t move, my legs would not respond, and I couldn’t scream. I was going to die, and I knew that Josh was going to be the one to kill me.
All of a sudden, the black hooded killer jumped out of nowhere and tackled Josh to the ground.
“He is not Josh!” the killer shouted at me. “Get out of here, Elizabeth, now!” The killer was fighting with Josh on the ground when his hood fell of.
“He’s right,” the first Josh said, pushing the other one off of him and leaping up in a graceful motion that made him look almost animal like. The Josh impersonator began to take on his true form, the form of the killer.
My Josh laid on the ground, blood beginning to pool around him, and he started to disappear.
“Josh! No, Josh!” I ran to the place where I had last seen Josh body, throwing myself onto the ground. “Josh!” I cried.
“Your love is gone, and now it is your turn,” the killer’s voice sent shivers down my spine and made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up on end.
“Leave Josh alone,” I shouted, but my dream was already beginning to change.
I was in a dark hallway now, with very little light.
“Elizabeth, help me! Elizabeth! Please help me! He’s hurting me, Elizabeth.” I knew that the voice that was calling out to me for help was Josh’s voice, and that if I didn’t get to him soon, it might be too late.
“Josh! Where are you?” I started to run down the hallway towards the only door that was in the hallway. “I’m coming, Josh. I’m coming.”
I felt something bite into my leg, and I fell head long to the floor. The blood was being drained out of my body, by nothing that I could see but feel. The fangs kept biting at every inch of my skin. “Vampires” I popped into my head. Vampires were killing me. I could barely feel their fangs now; I was numb all over my body.
I felt myself slip into a peaceful place, a place that I knew was death. I was dead.
I woke up with a strange bite mark on my arm, the shape of a human mouth. I must have bit myself while I was dreaming. That is the only explanation that I can come up with now.
I have to because Josh is coming back with our food. I’ll write again.
Love,
Elizabeth
I closed my diary just as Josh was walking up to where we chose to sit by the pool.
“What are you writing, honey?” Josh asked me with a curious look in his eyes.
“Nothing,” I said. I could feel the resentment coming off Josh from all angles; he wasn’t happy that I was keeping secrets from him, but it was for his own good. I didn’t want him to worry because I was worrying enough for the both of us.
“You can tell me anything, Elizabeth. You know that don’t you?” His thoughts had a sad quality to them now. Why was that? Did he think that I didn’t trust him or did he think that I was doing something behind his back? Whatever the case, the feelings that I was feeling from Josh made me worry even more. Wasn’t he happy with me?
“Yes, I do know that I can tell you anything, Josh.”
“But you are not going to tell me what you were writing?” he asked, his thoughts becoming more and more grim. I wish I could read his thoughts, but I knew that I couldn’t. All that I could do was feel what Josh was feeling while he feeling it, and once his feelings changed, I would feel those.
I wished I could get to a computer so I could research what was going on with me on the Internet. I needed to know why all of a sudden I could feel the emotions of the people around me, especially of those people who I loved.
“I wish you would tell me your secret, Elizabeth.”
“I will, but only if you tell me one first,” I said, trying to ease the sadness that I felt in his thoughts.
“I have a secret that no one but my grandmother knows and if the press ever found out about it, they would go crazy. I have been keeping it to myself for so long, since I was a young child, but now I am ready to share it with you,” he paused to look at me again. “I trust you completely, Elizabeth.”
“You don’t have to tell me,” I stated matter-of-factly. “I don’t want to make things uncomfortable between us.”
“I want to tell you.”
“Josh.. are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Ok, then tell me.”
“Did you ever hear the story about my near death experience when I was little?”
“Yes, you fell out of a tree and were in the hospital for a long time. Am I right?”
“That is the story that my agent put out to the press so my fans wouldn’t know the truth. We, my agent and I, were afraid that if my fans knew the truth that I would never be successful in my acting career.”
“So, that’s not the real story, Josh?”
“No. The real story is about where I came from and it happened in Denver. That’s why I was so against us coming here. It brought back all the painful memories of my childhood that I have tried to suppress.”
“It’s a heart wrenching tale about my past,” Josh said. “Before I begin, I want you to know that if you ever feel uncomfortable while I am telling you my story, just tell me and I will stop.”
“Ok. But how bad can it be?” I asked him.
“Oh, it’s bad. You will see, Elizabeth.”
“Ok, so begin your story.”
“My story begins with my mother and I when I was a baby. Times where tough when I was born.
“ I never have had much of anything; in fact, I grew up in poverty. My mother and father were not married when I was born, leaving my mother to raise me on a income that she could barely support herself on, much less her and I both; even though times were tough for my mother and me, she always made sure that I was taken care of before concerning herself with her own needs.
“My mother raised me right in spite of our hardships. She taught me to be polite and to be thankful for what we did have. My mother was a firm believer in being a well-rounded person, and she began to instill this into me before I could barely talk.”
“When I was little, I never realized how hard things were for my mother; I just knew that I never had the cool, new toys that all my friends had, and I never understood why. I was a very jealous child and had bad anger issues. I got in fights all the time as a child when anyone would say something bad about the way we lived or about my mother and the way she raised me; eventually I figured out that my mother was doing the best that she could, and she rose over all the odds and raised me the best way she could. I never really thanked her for that.
“Then when I turned ten years old, my mother was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and she had to undergo chemotherapy and radioactive therapy, which at the time we believed worked. The cancer went into to remission.
“I remember being so afraid to lose my mother; she was the only family that I had. My father had never been around much, and when he was around I would never want to go see him because I was afraid of him. I was afraid that if he got mad at me, he would hurt me, just like he hurt my mother.
“Then, just after my fifteenth birthday, my mother’s cancer came back with a vengeance. The doctors only gave my mother a few weeks to live, which turned into a few months, which turned into a year of life for my dying mother.
“Then one day after I came home from school, I found my mother on the floor, gasping for breath. I knew, right then and there, that my mother was dying. There was not going to be any more remissions or chemo treatments; my mother was going to leave me forever.
“I was not going to have anywhere to go, but to my father. I did not want to go live with him. He was a jerk, never paid child support to my mother, and he was just not around. I didn’t even know where he was.”
“I called 911 for my mother and told them the information that they needed to get to her and then I ran out of the house. I ran down the street and climbed up the tree in front of Miss Taylor’s house. I sat up in that tree and watched the paramedics come into my house and take my mother away in a body bag.
Josh paused to sigh before going on. “I didn’t have a lot of family and as I said before, I didn’t know where my father was, so there wasn’t much I could do as a fifteen year old boy with no money. I decided to try to live on my own but it wasn’t easy. I couldn’t get a place to live or a job because I was only fifteen.
“I went to public school so I wouldn’t have to pay tuition but there was still the matter of food, and stuff that I needed to live. This lasted for about a week before the government came and took me into foster care. They wanted me to live in foster care at the age of fifteen!
“After a bunch of digging, I found out where my father lived. I left my foster family to go live with my father. I was so happy to be living with an actual relative of mine instead of a bunch of strangers that I didn’t know and didn’t care to know because me living with my foster family was never going to be permanent because I didn’t want it to be. I thought that after I found my father that I was going to begin to feel like myself again and that I was going to begin to be happy again, but I was wrong.
“My father was not as happy as I was to be living together but that didn’t really bother me. I had my own room, my own life. I could come and go as I pleased with no interference from my father, which worked for me. I finally felt enough like myself to start hanging out with my friends and I even started to date again. Everything started to fall into place again, slowly but surely. I was content again…” He paused again. “Now, Elizabeth, the story gets pretty bad here so if you want, I can stop here or I can keep going, whatever you want me to do.”
I looked up at his face again, which was probably a mistake. His face wash totally washed out of color and his eyes were rimmed with red from crying. I was totally engrossed in his story but I could tell from his expression that it was very painful for him to relive these memories. The last thing I wanted to do was to cause Josh pain. He meant everything to me now, even if he didn’t know it, and I couldn’t stand to see him this way.
“I can see the indecision in your face,” he chuckled. “I know you want to know what happened to me that could be so bad, so I’ll tell you. Just don’t panic if I start to get upset. As I said before, my life got very bad after my mother died.
“I was living with my father and I was very content with my life. Everything was going fine; my grades were up higher than they had been since my mother’s death, I had a job, and I was myself again. That was until..” he gulped “..things began to change. My father started taking things out on me. He made me work twice as hard at home, cooking and cleaning. I did everything without any complaints; I even took his verbal abuse, because I was afraid of what he might do to me to me if I didn’t.
“Eventually my father would get mad at me even when I did what he wanted to do. He started to physically abuse me. He hit me, slap me, push me down the stairs; he would do anything to hurt me. After a while, I would have so many bruises on my body that I stopped going to work and school because I was embarrassed. My grades slipped, I lost my job, and the abuse, both physical and verbal, continued.
“Every few days I would be lying in the Emergency Room at the local hospital waiting for cat scans and x-rays to come back. My father had insurance, so I never had to pay for treatment. The doctors, however, were suspicious of my new injuries that I came in with every few days, but I kept my mouth shut. I was afraid that if I told someone what was happening at home my father would hurt me more.
“As the months passed, my father became more violent. He hit me more, but he also started using things like baseball bats and knives. He would cut my wrists and he would squeeze them to make more blood flow from the wounds; the cuts would bleed for hours after my father was finished with me.
“After my father would leave for his eighteen hour days at the factory, I would go to another Emergency Room across town from the one I went to in the beginning, and there the doctors would give me transfusions. After a few days of me coming in with cut wrists and almost half my blood gone from my body, the doctors concluded that I was doing this to myself for attention and they admitted me to the psychiatric ward for a total of ten days.
“I didn’t mind being in the hospital as much as I thought I would. I got good meals and someone was always there to keep me company. I was also away from my father and his abuse; I didn’t even bother to call him to tell him where I was. I was finally safe, for a while anyway.
“Ten days came and went. I was released from the hospital and very reluctant to go home, but I didn’t have a choice. I knew that my father was going to be so pissed at me and that he was going to hurt me like he never hurt me before. I was right.
“The minute I walked through the door my father started chasing me with a knife. I knew that he was going to kill me. I kept outsmarting him for a while but I made one wrong move and my father cornered me. He began to stab me repeatedly in my chest and my legs.” Josh lifted up his shirt to show me the scars on his chest left by his father’s hatred of Josh. “Then when my father thought that I was done for, he left; when he walked out of the front door, the police were waiting for him. They took him to custody and he was eventually booked on charges of child abuse, because I was a minor, and attempted murder. He was found guilty for both charges.
“The paramedics came in and took me to the hospital where I remained in the intensive care unit for four weeks, or a month, however you want to look at it. Regardless, I recovered in the hospital for a total of two months, my stay in the intensive care plus my stay in the regular part of the hospital. I was released in the month of May to my grandmother, my father’s mother who I had never known growing up, who lived in Los Angeles.”
Josh turned to look at me then. His big, baby blue eyes were filled with tears again as he laid his head against my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly to me because there were no words that I could say to make him feel better.
(End)
Chapter 6
August 21st
Dear Diary,
Josh has been troubled since we have reached our most recent destination, Denver. I cannot tell you how I know that he is troubled, but he is giving off really bad vibes from his subconscious, like there is a memory that he is trying not to remember. I can feel the pain and tension that is radiating off of him from a few miles away. I still don’t know how I can do that now when I couldn’t before we reached Tampa.
The bite mark that appeared on my arm about two weeks ago has started to heal. I have no idea how I got it, but I do remember having a nightmare that night, a nightmare that prevented me from sleeping well for at least a week afterwards.
I am afraid that if I write my nightmare down, I will have the nightmare again; however if I do not write it down, it will haunt me forever. Josh’s screams will haunt me forever anyways, so I might as well take the chance.
It all started the first night that Josh and I arrived in Tampa, Florida. We rented a room together, because the hotel only had one left, and I turned in early so we could go sightseeing the next day. The next thing I knew, I woke up screaming, but a pillow muffled my screams. Josh groaned in his sleep next to me and rolled over, but never woke up. I went out to the balcony to try to sort everything out.
The dream, which turned into a nightmare, started out innocently enough. Josh and I were walking down the beach hand in hand, laughing and cutting up. We were having a great time, just being together, when my dream changed.
We were running through a forest now, being chased by a black hooded killer. He had no face, but his fingers were long and slender, like the hand of a creature of the dark. I remember a word being whispered through the trees, like the lyrics of a haunting song. “Vampire,” the trees sang. “Vampire, vampire, vampire.”
“Josh, do you hear that?” I asked him as he pulled me through the trees.
Suddenly he stopped. He looked at me with bright red eyes and in a hunter’s crouch growled at me, fangs showing.
“Josh!?” I tried to scream, but it got caught back in my throat. I couldn’t move, my legs would not respond, and I couldn’t scream. I was going to die, and I knew that Josh was going to be the one to kill me.
All of a sudden, the black hooded killer jumped out of nowhere and tackled Josh to the ground.
“He is not Josh!” the killer shouted at me. “Get out of here, Elizabeth, now!” The killer was fighting with Josh on the ground when his hood fell of.
“He’s right,” the first Josh said, pushing the other one off of him and leaping up in a graceful motion that made him look almost animal like. The Josh impersonator began to take on his true form, the form of the killer.
My Josh laid on the ground, blood beginning to pool around him, and he started to disappear.
“Josh! No, Josh!” I ran to the place where I had last seen Josh body, throwing myself onto the ground. “Josh!” I cried.
“Your love is gone, and now it is your turn,” the killer’s voice sent shivers down my spine and made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up on end.
“Leave Josh alone,” I shouted, but my dream was already beginning to change.
I was in a dark hallway now, with very little light.
“Elizabeth, help me! Elizabeth! Please help me! He’s hurting me, Elizabeth.” I knew that the voice that was calling out to me for help was Josh’s voice, and that if I didn’t get to him soon, it might be too late.
“Josh! Where are you?” I started to run down the hallway towards the only door that was in the hallway. “I’m coming, Josh. I’m coming.”
I felt something bite into my leg, and I fell head long to the floor. The blood was being drained out of my body, by nothing that I could see but feel. The fangs kept biting at every inch of my skin. “Vampires” I popped into my head. Vampires were killing me. I could barely feel their fangs now; I was numb all over my body.
I felt myself slip into a peaceful place, a place that I knew was death. I was dead.
I woke up with a strange bite mark on my arm, the shape of a human mouth. I must have bit myself while I was dreaming. That is the only explanation that I can come up with now.
I have to because Josh is coming back with our food. I’ll write again.
Love,
Elizabeth
I closed my diary just as Josh was walking up to where we chose to sit by the pool.
“What are you writing, honey?” Josh asked me with a curious look in his eyes.
“Nothing,” I said. I could feel the resentment coming off Josh from all angles; he wasn’t happy that I was keeping secrets from him, but it was for his own good. I didn’t want him to worry because I was worrying enough for the both of us.
“You can tell me anything, Elizabeth. You know that don’t you?” His thoughts had a sad quality to them now. Why was that? Did he think that I didn’t trust him or did he think that I was doing something behind his back? Whatever the case, the feelings that I was feeling from Josh made me worry even more. Wasn’t he happy with me?
“Yes, I do know that I can tell you anything, Josh.”
“But you are not going to tell me what you were writing?” he asked, his thoughts becoming more and more grim. I wish I could read his thoughts, but I knew that I couldn’t. All that I could do was feel what Josh was feeling while he feeling it, and once his feelings changed, I would feel those.
I wished I could get to a computer so I could research what was going on with me on the Internet. I needed to know why all of a sudden I could feel the emotions of the people around me, especially of those people who I loved.
“I wish you would tell me your secret, Elizabeth.”
“I will, but only if you tell me one first,” I said, trying to ease the sadness that I felt in his thoughts.
“I have a secret that no one but my grandmother knows and if the press ever found out about it, they would go crazy. I have been keeping it to myself for so long, since I was a young child, but now I am ready to share it with you,” he paused to look at me again. “I trust you completely, Elizabeth.”
“You don’t have to tell me,” I stated matter-of-factly. “I don’t want to make things uncomfortable between us.”
“I want to tell you.”
“Josh.. are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Ok, then tell me.”
“Did you ever hear the story about my near death experience when I was little?”
“Yes, you fell out of a tree and were in the hospital for a long time. Am I right?”
“That is the story that my agent put out to the press so my fans wouldn’t know the truth. We, my agent and I, were afraid that if my fans knew the truth that I would never be successful in my acting career.”
“So, that’s not the real story, Josh?”
“No. The real story is about where I came from and it happened in Denver. That’s why I was so against us coming here. It brought back all the painful memories of my childhood that I have tried to suppress.”
“It’s a heart wrenching tale about my past,” Josh said. “Before I begin, I want you to know that if you ever feel uncomfortable while I am telling you my story, just tell me and I will stop.”
“Ok. But how bad can it be?” I asked him.
“Oh, it’s bad. You will see, Elizabeth.”
“Ok, so begin your story.”
“My story begins with my mother and I when I was a baby. Times where tough when I was born.
“ I never have had much of anything; in fact, I grew up in poverty. My mother and father were not married when I was born, leaving my mother to raise me on a income that she could barely support herself on, much less her and I both; even though times were tough for my mother and me, she always made sure that I was taken care of before concerning herself with her own needs.
“My mother raised me right in spite of our hardships. She taught me to be polite and to be thankful for what we did have. My mother was a firm believer in being a well-rounded person, and she began to instill this into me before I could barely talk.”
“When I was little, I never realized how hard things were for my mother; I just knew that I never had the cool, new toys that all my friends had, and I never understood why. I was a very jealous child and had bad anger issues. I got in fights all the time as a child when anyone would say something bad about the way we lived or about my mother and the way she raised me; eventually I figured out that my mother was doing the best that she could, and she rose over all the odds and raised me the best way she could. I never really thanked her for that.
“Then when I turned ten years old, my mother was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and she had to undergo chemotherapy and radioactive therapy, which at the time we believed worked. The cancer went into to remission.
“I remember being so afraid to lose my mother; she was the only family that I had. My father had never been around much, and when he was around I would never want to go see him because I was afraid of him. I was afraid that if he got mad at me, he would hurt me, just like he hurt my mother.
“Then, just after my fifteenth birthday, my mother’s cancer came back with a vengeance. The doctors only gave my mother a few weeks to live, which turned into a few months, which turned into a year of life for my dying mother.
“Then one day after I came home from school, I found my mother on the floor, gasping for breath. I knew, right then and there, that my mother was dying. There was not going to be any more remissions or chemo treatments; my mother was going to leave me forever.
“I was not going to have anywhere to go, but to my father. I did not want to go live with him. He was a jerk, never paid child support to my mother, and he was just not around. I didn’t even know where he was.”
“I called 911 for my mother and told them the information that they needed to get to her and then I ran out of the house. I ran down the street and climbed up the tree in front of Miss Taylor’s house. I sat up in that tree and watched the paramedics come into my house and take my mother away in a body bag.
Josh paused to sigh before going on. “I didn’t have a lot of family and as I said before, I didn’t know where my father was, so there wasn’t much I could do as a fifteen year old boy with no money. I decided to try to live on my own but it wasn’t easy. I couldn’t get a place to live or a job because I was only fifteen.
“I went to public school so I wouldn’t have to pay tuition but there was still the matter of food, and stuff that I needed to live. This lasted for about a week before the government came and took me into foster care. They wanted me to live in foster care at the age of fifteen!
“After a bunch of digging, I found out where my father lived. I left my foster family to go live with my father. I was so happy to be living with an actual relative of mine instead of a bunch of strangers that I didn’t know and didn’t care to know because me living with my foster family was never going to be permanent because I didn’t want it to be. I thought that after I found my father that I was going to begin to feel like myself again and that I was going to begin to be happy again, but I was wrong.
“My father was not as happy as I was to be living together but that didn’t really bother me. I had my own room, my own life. I could come and go as I pleased with no interference from my father, which worked for me. I finally felt enough like myself to start hanging out with my friends and I even started to date again. Everything started to fall into place again, slowly but surely. I was content again…” He paused again. “Now, Elizabeth, the story gets pretty bad here so if you want, I can stop here or I can keep going, whatever you want me to do.”
I looked up at his face again, which was probably a mistake. His face wash totally washed out of color and his eyes were rimmed with red from crying. I was totally engrossed in his story but I could tell from his expression that it was very painful for him to relive these memories. The last thing I wanted to do was to cause Josh pain. He meant everything to me now, even if he didn’t know it, and I couldn’t stand to see him this way.
“I can see the indecision in your face,” he chuckled. “I know you want to know what happened to me that could be so bad, so I’ll tell you. Just don’t panic if I start to get upset. As I said before, my life got very bad after my mother died.
“I was living with my father and I was very content with my life. Everything was going fine; my grades were up higher than they had been since my mother’s death, I had a job, and I was myself again. That was until..” he gulped “..things began to change. My father started taking things out on me. He made me work twice as hard at home, cooking and cleaning. I did everything without any complaints; I even took his verbal abuse, because I was afraid of what he might do to me to me if I didn’t.
“Eventually my father would get mad at me even when I did what he wanted to do. He started to physically abuse me. He hit me, slap me, push me down the stairs; he would do anything to hurt me. After a while, I would have so many bruises on my body that I stopped going to work and school because I was embarrassed. My grades slipped, I lost my job, and the abuse, both physical and verbal, continued.
“Every few days I would be lying in the Emergency Room at the local hospital waiting for cat scans and x-rays to come back. My father had insurance, so I never had to pay for treatment. The doctors, however, were suspicious of my new injuries that I came in with every few days, but I kept my mouth shut. I was afraid that if I told someone what was happening at home my father would hurt me more.
“As the months passed, my father became more violent. He hit me more, but he also started using things like baseball bats and knives. He would cut my wrists and he would squeeze them to make more blood flow from the wounds; the cuts would bleed for hours after my father was finished with me.
“After my father would leave for his eighteen hour days at the factory, I would go to another Emergency Room across town from the one I went to in the beginning, and there the doctors would give me transfusions. After a few days of me coming in with cut wrists and almost half my blood gone from my body, the doctors concluded that I was doing this to myself for attention and they admitted me to the psychiatric ward for a total of ten days.
“I didn’t mind being in the hospital as much as I thought I would. I got good meals and someone was always there to keep me company. I was also away from my father and his abuse; I didn’t even bother to call him to tell him where I was. I was finally safe, for a while anyway.
“Ten days came and went. I was released from the hospital and very reluctant to go home, but I didn’t have a choice. I knew that my father was going to be so pissed at me and that he was going to hurt me like he never hurt me before. I was right.
“The minute I walked through the door my father started chasing me with a knife. I knew that he was going to kill me. I kept outsmarting him for a while but I made one wrong move and my father cornered me. He began to stab me repeatedly in my chest and my legs.” Josh lifted up his shirt to show me the scars on his chest left by his father’s hatred of Josh. “Then when my father thought that I was done for, he left; when he walked out of the front door, the police were waiting for him. They took him to custody and he was eventually booked on charges of child abuse, because I was a minor, and attempted murder. He was found guilty for both charges.
“The paramedics came in and took me to the hospital where I remained in the intensive care unit for four weeks, or a month, however you want to look at it. Regardless, I recovered in the hospital for a total of two months, my stay in the intensive care plus my stay in the regular part of the hospital. I was released in the month of May to my grandmother, my father’s mother who I had never known growing up, who lived in Los Angeles.”
Josh turned to look at me then. His big, baby blue eyes were filled with tears again as he laid his head against my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly to me because there were no words that I could say to make him feel better.
(End)
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Again no time to blog today. Cleaned my room and went on a date with my boyfriend.
Going to bed in the next few minutes, so I can get up at the butt crack of dawn to go to school.
Night all!!
Source:
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBYm-y1h5ONbsZOX6LLA0bzrpQJ6Ii7-N9iJQF3Uq4Jnjq7mSWwHSlTTDW5FxaeIit3975D_yw7F1i6qqMI9Mn4EhoEj9xyRmJRZUllpYfXvJsWKKV6oiefmlZuyFb9lDrg7SHd3QmI_A/s400/1202036008_1201985363_volcano-sunset-guatemala.jpg
Monday, September 14, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Lost Chapter (contains spoliers!!)
I happend across this chapter the other day while looking through some old notebooks. I figured i would share it with ya'll!
Enjoy!
(author's note: listen to Robert Pattinson's "I was Broken" and/or "Let Me Sign" while reading, to add some deepness to the words. @http://www.robert-pattinson.co.uk/music/)
“It’s been three months since his accident. His condition has not changed at all, meaning he is not any worse, but he is not any better. We are concerned that there is nothing left for us to do.”
“You are suggesting that we pull the plug on my grandson! You want him to die!” Josh’s grandmother was beyond a normal state now. She had collapsed to the floor and was sobbing uncontrollably. “He is all I have left! You cannot let him die!”
“He may not die off life support. He may make it. It depends on how strong his body is. He may be able to support himself. We just don’t know.” The doctor helped Josh’s grandmother off the floor and helped her over to a chair. His eyes were very grim, even through his hopeful demeanor. “I will let you think about it and then come back for your decision. But think about this, you are not doing Josh any good by leaving him on life support. The longer he stays on it, the less of a chance he has of surviving off of it. It is, like I said before, your choice,” he smiled at her. “I’ll be back.”
The doctor turned to walk out of the room, leaving us alone with Josh. I turned to look at him, but stopped myself. It hurt me to look at him so pale and still in the bed. He had been so full of life, so vibrant. Now, he was so lifeless; there was just his body, with no spirit. To me, Josh was already dead.
Enjoy!
(author's note: listen to Robert Pattinson's "I was Broken" and/or "Let Me Sign" while reading, to add some deepness to the words. @http://www.robert-pattinson.co.uk/music/)
“It’s been three months since his accident. His condition has not changed at all, meaning he is not any worse, but he is not any better. We are concerned that there is nothing left for us to do.”
“You are suggesting that we pull the plug on my grandson! You want him to die!” Josh’s grandmother was beyond a normal state now. She had collapsed to the floor and was sobbing uncontrollably. “He is all I have left! You cannot let him die!”
“He may not die off life support. He may make it. It depends on how strong his body is. He may be able to support himself. We just don’t know.” The doctor helped Josh’s grandmother off the floor and helped her over to a chair. His eyes were very grim, even through his hopeful demeanor. “I will let you think about it and then come back for your decision. But think about this, you are not doing Josh any good by leaving him on life support. The longer he stays on it, the less of a chance he has of surviving off of it. It is, like I said before, your choice,” he smiled at her. “I’ll be back.”
The doctor turned to walk out of the room, leaving us alone with Josh. I turned to look at him, but stopped myself. It hurt me to look at him so pale and still in the bed. He had been so full of life, so vibrant. Now, he was so lifeless; there was just his body, with no spirit. To me, Josh was already dead.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Advice
Just so ya'll know, you have to be logged in to a Google account in order to leave comments on a blog..
You can be logged in under your Gmail account.. (or under any other Google account)
So now that ya'll know, comments would be great..
Thanks!
You can be logged in under your Gmail account.. (or under any other Google account)
So now that ya'll know, comments would be great..
Thanks!
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